Ryhmes with engagement. That's ironic.
I can't do this whole wedding planning thing while my mom is numb to it all.
I know I have the other blog to talk about this, but this is now interupting my personal life, so bear with me.
I'm thisclose to postponing our wedding. And that is just so sad.
Today I reached my breaking point. And that's just not right.
My mom really really wants this wedding to take place in Phoenix where she lives. Without giving you guys the long list of details; Bev put it best - she really wants a party where she can host her friends in her house. I'm not sure if its to show it off, to have some wicked reunion or if she really thinks it will be the easy way to go. She has given me a list of reasons of how her guests and our family would be better off traveling to Phoenix versus Dallas.
In Dallas - the wedding cost would be more affordable. The dollar could be stretched far and wide.
I want a loft type venue. I can hear it in her voice that she doesn't feel the same way.
I found two lofts, one in Phoenix, one in Dallas. She's against both. The one in Phoenix will only hold 50 guests; so that means her list will get cut dramatically. I can hear it in her voice, that's not a good thing.
We want more of a party atmosphere - serving heavy drinks and appetizers. She told me that if you have traveling guests you better serve them a plated meal.
She wants to tie bows around things. No - she wants to tie tulle bows around things. That's not my style, I'm way more modern than that. She wants matchy-matchy invitations that are multiple pieces of paper detailing events. I prefer the one-sheeter.
But she holds the purse. And you know what, thats not really bothering me at all. Its the fact that she hasn't, not once, gotten excited about one thing that I want in this wedding. Not one thing. All my ideas and wants have been defied by her. And that hurts. It really hurts.
I foresaw this whole engagement period as a time that mother and daughter got to plan something together. I see it as her day, too. I really do. But in the end, she keeps telling me its my day, do what I want. But, I need that excitement, that joy, something I'm not getting from her. And it makes me cry. Even while I tried on dresses, I thought there'd be a moment, you know that moment, where the mom finally sees her daughter as a bride and gets emotional? Doesn't that happen?
It didn't for me. Just once, I want to see her excited and enthusiased about this. I tell her she sounds so eh and she tells me right back, that she is tired or the day was long or "eh". What? Everyday? Each time I talk to her? No.
I dont know what to do or how to handle this because I've never been a bride before. The only answer that I could come up with today, through tears and disappointment was postponement.