Take Backs

Y'all I am straight up crazy. Sometimes. How the F did I believe that my perfect boyfriend thought I could do wrong? What the...

I guess I just had to blog it out.

Everything is fine here. Better than fine. A-okay. Okeedokee fine. Blue skies and sunny pastures.

Some people need sleep. I don't. Some people also get jokes the first time 'round. I don't. It's okay. It's what makes the world tick tock round.

Buuut guess who is coming to my offices tomorrow?

GUESS.

You'll never guess, so let's just talk a bit about it.

People who know me may think I'll be voting for Hillary Clinton. Not so much. Even though I did think "Bitch is the New Black" was the funniest thing ever in a long time. But I heart anything Tina Fey does. And I'll be the first one to see Baby Mama. Oh hellz yeah.

Hillary ain't cutting it for me. A few years back - yeah, maybe. And a lot of years into the future, yes. But 2008, not. Call me motherfucking old fashioned. I ain't voting for her. And I heart, heart, heart Bill Clinton. (I just said Clinton)

(oh that may be an inside joke. And I'm drunk. So just roll with it)

I'm just not ready for a woman president.

Throw your eggs or tomatoes or whatever you got handy.

But Barack? I'm so ready for you, big boy. The other day, my mama cried on the phone to me. She just never in her life could fathom that a Black man would be on the presidential ballot. It amazes her like a Christ has risen miracle. The woman is praying on a rosary and praising Jesus for Barack.

But I'm a little bit more logical and don't listen to religion for political advice. I also am a newer generation. I'm shocked Black has not been President yet. Honestly.

I'm not going to go into a political rant. And I'm for sure not going to tell you who I'm voting for when the time comes because I'm really down with a Republican in that way, but I'm so democratic on some issues. But only some. And I don't blog like that.

Buut what I will tell you is if I see this chick tomorrow, my life, eh crap, my year will be made. So made. Let's pray on it happening tonight. Because I must absolutely know where the heck she found that extra large Fendi clutch!

Sleep is for the Weak

Not me. Him. Or at least I think him. It could be nothing because I'm a girl and tend to blow things out of proportions.

I'm not good at sinking ships. I'm the first one to jump. Before the contingency plan is put into place. I'm done. Finished. Buh-bye. In the past, with other boyfriends, it has gotten me into, well let's just say other people's beds. I used to be down with OPP. Yeah, you know me. But that was then, when I was young, careless, fuck it to the wind and free. That was before and this is now.

I'm no longer jumping ship. I'm hunting for the contingency plan. Diving into the tool box demanding 'how do I fix this?'

Sinking ships now scare me. A small hole in the boat can become very large if not attended to. But, I'm not good at mending, due to my previous first one out of the boat technique.

I see the tiniest problem and start to grasp straws. This must be my fault.

I don't know when or how it began but Cowboy has been acting not so much like Cowboy. And it feels like everything I do, is not right and more importantly not the starry sky that he loved so.

I can guess what it was - his/mine/our schedules. I hate it. There, I said it to you y'all...maybe I should say it to him, no? He works nights. It's always been this way, nothing new here to see. I'm the definition of a morning person.

I make sacrifices and have stayed up until 3am with (for) him. And yes, I'm still bright and chipper at 7/8am. I've stayed on the phone with him late into the night when he is at work, bored some nights.

He is one of those types that will sleep forever. I don't get that. Mostly because I only need 6 hours of sleep. Buuuut, he will go to sleep at 3am on a Saturday morning and not wake up until 5pm Saturday evening. Count that. 14 freaking hours. Are you kidding, me? And I'm talking - bright, sun shiny day Saturday in the middle of winter. People milling about looking for a porch to hang out on.

And the weekends - well that's the only time we can really see each other because he is off work. And it's not just a quickie 2 hour rendezvous before he has to high tail it into his office. If you also know me, you know I think brunch is the best invention ever. Well, I can't get that with him. Because he has slept straight through it. And I don't mind going at it with girlfriends but then I look over at a table where it's a couple and the mind goes crazy as to why I cannot do that with Cowboy. I heart brunch like its a vanilla cupcake with vanilla buttercream. He knows this.

It shouldn't have been any shock to me when he got all in a tizzy this past Saturday. I texted him to be ready at 2pm, that it was too gorgeous out to be in. He replied okay, he didn't reject or anything. At 2pm, I surprised him by picking him up and taking him 25 minutes out of town to the lake. There is this really cool harbor/shopping center they just built on the shoreline - with all these cute restaurants that have patios facing the lake and a great skyline view of Dallas (you know I love me some Dallas skyline)

Well, where in other situations I may have gotten the best girlfriend of the year award, not here, folks. I got a straight talk to about how I just interrupted his Saturday. Of sleeping! Which would have been fine, but he went to bed at 2am. Count it, again. Let's say 2am to 1pm. 11 hours of sleep.

Since then, you can say it hasn't been all roses over here at Camp Golightly. And she's been scrambling, grasping tools and over-analyzing shit like never before. This boat will not sink! His un-appreciation led me thinking that I did something horrible. It also led to us having an argument. An argument over me surprising him! Aren't there worst things in the world? If that's an argument, I really don't know what to think!

And it's starting to mess with me. Just yesterday, my new job is very close to an Arby's (his fave fast food place) so I was going to stop in and order him something for dinner. SNAP! I re-thought it. Why would I do that? Why would I surprise him? For all I know he could be asleep and I'd just be ruining his precious bed time. F it, I thought. No Arby's for him. And I can see how this is how its going to be, from now on. I'm going to have to rethink all my initial thoughts to surprise him. And it's what I do best. Besides brunch.

Rushians

Let's not get them confused with the impatient.

After this weekend, I came to the conclusion that I live in a world full of Rushians. People who rush too damn fast. And I don't get it.

Take a friend of mine, every time she is in my car, her seat belt is undone and the passenger door are opened before my car has come to a full stop. I don't understand this. The car has not stopped, yet and she's already halfway out the door. Am I that horrible of a driver? Then, I noticed she does it with other drivers as well. And she also does it in other scenarios.

The same girl cannot be at any one place. You know, just be. She's always talking about the next thing on our agenda; rushing a waiter for the check; a jittery bug in a line; or one of my least faves: she is waiting by the door ready to go, go, go.

It wouldn't come to a surprise that this girl is also borderline rude when it comes to people in her way. Slow people. I'm shocked she hasn't yelled at me to go faster.

And I'll admit, since I've known this person for years, there has been times where I purposefully lingered in my car longer than the normal allotted key out ignition time. Yeah...

Saturday, I surprised my boyfriend, in which I had to pick him up at his place. I let him the car and before starting my car back up, I asked him how he was doing...damnit...I had a mini conversation in the parking garage and he annoyingly kept sighing. WTF?

"I'm wondering why we aren't going anywhere?"

Whoa. Yes - I could've had our conversation while driving, but I wanted to listen to him and hear his answers. I wanted to give my 100% to the conversation. Because I truly cared about how his day was so far.

Then, there was the epitome of it all. Grocery store on a Sunday afternoon is a mad house no matter what. It's chockful of people storing up on groceries for Sunday dinner and the week ahead. I don't know about y'all but I go into the grocery store knowing that I'm going to wait in line, knowing that I'm not the only person shopping for food. Not the woman behind me in line.

Here's the scenario: I was 2nd in line for the cashier; he was still SKUing the man before me's items. I think I was in line, not five minutes when he woman behind me joined the line. I'm easy, I grab a Cosmo while in the grocery line. It makes the time fly and I get to catch up on the sexiest newest sex position. Yah! for Cowboy. The woman behind me, I have a feeling does not read Cosmo.

She was not in line a full minute when "Oh my God! Why won't they open more cash registers?" She then tapped me on the back and asked how long I've been waiting. 5 minutes, maybe?!?! "Do they not care about us?"

It was Wal-Mart.

She then stopped what looked like a bagger or stock boy, clearly not a cashier. "Can you tell your manager that you need to open more lanes. Look at all these people!"

I turned around. All the cash register lines were about 3 or 4 people deep. I don't know how he responded, but he did and then walked off. Rushian Lady continued to talk to herself in complaining that she was waiting too long.

Then, something I couldn't believe what happened next, a new cash register line opened up next to us. The cashier yelled over to the lady to come on over and she will take care of her.

This is what kills me. The Rude still prevail. How is that possible? The woman was out the door while I was paying! Can you believe? I was stumped.

Why can't people just slow it down? I refuse to speed up my life because my friend cannot get out of my car fast enough or that Cowboy cannot stand sitting still in a parked vehicle. My pace isn't turtle slow, I like to think of it as a casual pace.

One that gets from here to there just dandy.

Style

This picture had my attention for abut a minute when I first came upon it on the genius Sartorialist's blog. Then I came back to it. I read the many comments. Hours later, I found myself, again staring at the photo. What was it?

One, the outfit. I absolutely love it. It is style. In my opinion. I have the type of closet full of essentials and statement pieces. I'm the type that mixes both for a daily outfit to work. I'm also the type that mixes patterns: stripes with florals; plaids with stripes; polka dots with florals and stripes.

You'll never catch me wearing a basic black pant with a colorful top and calling that an outfit. It's not my style. My weekend wear isn't jeans with any top from my closet.

I prefer skirts over pants. I'd be happiest if my closet only consisted of dresses. I don't know how anyone would describe my style: eccelctic?

One of my hobbies is to see an outfit in a magazine and try to recreate the look with items already in my closet. I can easily spend half the day organizing my clothes into outfits to be worn later.

To me, my style is the same as the above girl's outfit. Unexpected, put together and fashionable.

The second reason, I find my self coming back to this photo has to do with a great article in this month's Allure, "Girl of My Dreams". The essay's summary is 'whether it's our perfectly groomed collegues or elegant strangers in the park, the women we admire from afar say something about us'

The article explores that brief moment of wanting to be that girl for the quick moment that you see this stranger. For me, the girl of my dreams always seems to be strangers that look like they have it going on. Not only in wardrobe, but life. I sometimes see her having an engrossing conversation on her cell phone - she has a light memorable laugh or her voice/speech is very straight and concise. It could also be the very stylish mother of two huddling her kids through the airport. The woman has it going on, plus the order of two toddlers - which of course, look to be straight out of a GAP Kids ad. The woman could also be someone sitting across from me at a restaurant - her outfit seems more put together, her conversation looks to be more interesting, her friends seem to be engrossed in whatever she is saying.

It's not envy. It's that brief moment where you imagine the life that person leads and its possibly the life you hope for yourself.

For the above girl and me, it's simple. She looks like the type that just pulls something out of a closet, effortlessly and voila: perfect outfit. She also looks like she has a great walk. Whatever it is, I'm drawn to it. (I also feel like I must, must, must have those Chanel shoes)

For me, the outfit is pure inspiration and I'll try to recreate this look, along with many others that reflect the style I think I have. Especially today because I start a new corporate office job on Monday! And I couldn't be more sure of it or excited to get on board. I'll let you in on the secret that did it for me. My friends, for one. Of course, all your great comments and advice. Then, a good friend's advice - someone whose judgement I trust and admire.

And the other? I got on the phone with my future boss and asked her questions; she answered them and my fears. The conversation lasted just short of 2 hours. Wow, right? See, here's the other thing, for this entire process I've been dealing with a recruiter and he firmly warned me from the beginning that any questions I had, should be directed to him and not the corporation. Technically, as a temporary, I'm the recruiting agency's employee being placed at corporation. Buuut, it was my friend that works there that submitted my resume and it was my Boss that called me in for the interview. It was only when recruiter stepped in that I lost contact with Boss.

Yesterday, I decided to break a rule and call her up. She was the only one that could answer my questions about the job, company, environment and her expectations. And get this: I've already been invited to a work dinner and she has me registered for an industry conference the following weekend. Wow. I needed that conversation and the added bonus was hearing her excitement that I was joining her team. Word. Now, I have to draft out what I'm going to tell the other. But first, many outfits must be planned ;)

Project: Happiness

I may be acting like a brat, but all I want is to be happy in whatever I choose. All the time. Whether it's an entree at a restaurant, a new clothing item, a boyfriend, a book or a job. That's just me. And don't tell me that's impossible. I'm sick of naysayers. Each time I tell someone that I was so happy with my last job - they kind of are in disbelief. So it's no shocker to them when I say, I don't want to just accept some job. 'Nuff said?

One piece of advice I've been given by more than one person - is to accept the corporate job and keep looking for another. WTF. That to me is like having one leg out from day 1. It's like settling for the boyfriend just to have a boyfriend but keeping your eyes akimbo for a better boy. Why would you do that?

Fortunately, I'm not in a position where I need to just accept any job that comes my way. Unfortunately, I've been offered 2 jobs - both that I like equally. Even more unfortunate, I'm terrible at just picking one. I kinda want to do both. I wish I could smoosh them together, then I'd have my ultimate job.

If I didn't like either one as much as the other - this would be easy. If I wasn't excited about either of them, I'd tell them both no and move on with the hunt. Not so much the case. I feel that both have come to me and I'm not going to find anything quite like them.

Here's the problem: I want to do event planning BUT I need the security of the corporate world. Financial security, health benefit security and the thought that they are at least very profitable. Event planner? Hmm. Honestly, she can go a couple months without an event on the books. And where will that lead me?

As you may have guessed, decision has yet to be made. And thank goodness lots of items are kinda in the way that are buying me time. Sucg as, the corporate recruiter is based in New Jersey; so getting items to him are slow in getting there, regular mail. It's also hard to catch him, he is always on his cell phone running around to his different clients. And event planner has been in New York City.

No rushes here. But it's been over a week. Personally? I feel that's not good.

It's just one of my vices - cannot make life changing decisions in a snap. Kick me. I don't know how it happened that I am like this.

Do you think I like being like this? Heck. No.

It's gotten me into trouble in the past. I've probably missed plenty of opportunities.

I wish I had the guts and gile to pick something. To take that chance. To let the other option go without a second thought.

Yeah. I was hating myself so much yesterday due to this lack of decision making skill. Part of me feels like I have to let someone down, part of me feels like I know which is better for me, part of me feels like I need to buck it up.

I just can't.

I'm trying though. I promise. I'm trying not to make this topic of converstation every time I speak to someone, but right now its the only thing on my mind.

Ooh and the title of this post has to do with a new website (actually two) that I've found. I made a commitment to live my life with more happiness. And I found that both of these sites are great tools for doing so. First is - The Happiness Project. Her tips are great for simple additions to your life to bring happiness in. The other is Zen Habits. Great site for taking a slower pace in such a fast paced world. Just because everyone else is driving fast, doesn't mean they are getting there faster.

No Kidding

Sunday night Cowboy and I had a great date night. Now that we’re an established couple, it’s hard to find those free nights to get out alone - just the two of us. Most of our time is spent at one of our apartments, I usually cook dinner (sometimes we order in) and we spend the evening vegged up on the couch. We reserve our going out nights to spend time with other couples or big group outings, usually celebrating something or just an impromptu romp to the bar. Our out time is usually always occupied with other people. I like it just as it is. I think it makes the alone out time we have more treasured.

Sunday I took him to P.F. Chang’s - can you believe he has never been to one? Holy moly. I’m not one of those people that think P.F. Chang’s is the best thing on earth. I do know of better Asian cuisine - it just comes from a delivery/take out joint. Why are sit down family style Chinese restaurants an endangered species? I remember when I was growing up - they were a dime a dozen. We always, as a family hit up Chinese food restaurants ordering platters of food to be passed on the lazy susan table. Somehow, family style Mexican restaurants have replaced the Chinese restaurants…or is that just me?

Anywho - he’d never been. He never has had a lettuce wrap. I thought it’d be a great dinner date and experience for him. He looooooooooved it. YAH. And for the very first time I ventured away from my usual one of five faves on the menu and tried something new: Mu Shu Pork - O my gawd. It was damn. Good.

Later in the evening, we saw the movie Untraceable. Utterly disturbingly good. It prompted much discussions after. Once back at his place, we found ourselves entwined on the couch. Discussing.

Cowboy made a comment about how can we stop our children from falling into the wrong media traps? Especially when we live in a time where the internet is the source nowadays for school projects, papers and experiments. Eight year olds know how to google. Are encyclopedias and almanacs dead? Who needs microfiche when everything is archived online? It’s no wonder when he was taking a restroom break in the middle of the film that he overheard a boy who looked to be 12 explaining to another kid what a Trojan Horse program is. Cowboy told me the scary part is the boy was absolutely correct! That’s our reality - kids know how to break into online accounts and steal passwords. Not saying they do it, they just know how.

The discussion then fell into how do we keep our children from falling into the wrong crowd? How do you keep them safe from the sometime ugly world? How do you make sure that they grow up to be what you try to mold - good, loving human beings? Parenting must be the hardest job to enter into and probably never gets easier. Then, I said something…

What would you do if I didn’t want children? What’s the point?

And he replied back…

I sometimes feel the exact same way.

I’m not in any way saying I don’t want children. The thought just crossed my mind so easily that night. It was scary and thought provoking and yes, carried us into more discussions. I don’t know where I sit on it now. I’m nowhere near having children right now. I’m so glad we were able to discuss our fears about it; so we know where each other stand.

I'm Glad He's Mine

I've spent past Valentine Days, stressing or disapointed or planning what I really wanted to happen happen. Am I the only one that does that? Whatever romantic moment you crave, you create - just so you can have it? I'm proud to say, I no longer do that. And much prouder to say, that I've finally let go of any high hopes of February 14.

This year, I decided to sit in the passenger seat. I bought Cowboy two graphic tee shirts from Express and a card. Done. Nothing overly romantic about it.

You can say, I kinda peaced out on Valentine's Day. But, Cowboy didn't when he gave me a card, where he wrote the following:

Some people spend most of their time trying to change their life because they are unhappy, but I spend most of my time happy because you changed my life.

Amen.

Decision Still Not Made & Boyfriend is Pregnant

So my goal to reach a decision all on my own yesterday, certainly was not reached. Ho-hum. What else is new? Let's break it down, shall we?

There's a corporate position and a non-corporate position. Corporate will be A and non will be B. We're easy like that.

A is a three month to a year contractual position. My friend who works at A, said she also started out contractual then they hired her a month into it. She also says that about half the people that work there are contractual workers.

A is about 5 miles from my apartment. A entails me working in a cubicle of my own with a department of three people in an office of over 500 people. It's big time corporate.

A's position is more marketing but I'd still be planning events - not to the extent that I did with my old job, but still a wee bit of event planning.

B is a three month contractual position. She cannot guarantee anymore than that, but she is hopeful that she would be able to extend a permanent position to me at the end of the three months.

B is a mile from my apartment. B has me working in an office which is about 9' by 11' big. Sharing it with the business owner. It'd be just me and her. ALL THE TIME. Our desks would be next to each other.

B's position would have me planning corporate type events - like team building getaways, meetings, announcements and corporate office parties.

A & B both pay the same. Both are more than what I was making at old job - which is good either way. But B I would be an independent contractor versus A I'd be a W-2 employee.

What I like about A: a friend of mine already works there and praises my would be Boss - my Boss is her mentor; I'd have my own work space in the form of a cube, but it'd be a little bit private; I'd feel more secure with my job knowing that I won't be unemployed in three months; and its a consumer product that's a lot of fun.

What I like about B: non-corporate freedom - need I say more? but on the flip side of that means, my boss is the business owner and my coworker. There isn't any HR to back me up on anything. Part of me thinks its cool to just jaunt into an office where there is just two of us. I don't know why, but I think that would be so super cute. And yes, this is 100% event planning but its more meeting planning than anything - its not like I can be creative crazy.

There you have it. The Dilemma o' the Day...

And in major scientific news I got my boyfriend pregnant! YES!

Everyday for the past month he chats it up with me for about possible baby names. He'll go into it for about half an hour. It's crazy. Then he wakes up craving the most unusual shit. The last craving was for apple pie dipped in horseradish sauce. Another time, he wanted biscuit dough and A1 sauce! WT? Seriously. The other part is he is constantly trying to feel me out if I'm a baby person or not.

I dont't know what to do with him! Anyone want a pregnant boyfriend? I'm giving him away. Because I seriously have a boy pre-planning his parenting life while skipping over the marriage part. That won't work here. Because he seriously has a girl pre-planning her wedding not thinking of the baby part. GO figure.

Eenie Meenie Miney Moe

Choices and decisions. Decisions and choices. If you take road b where will take you versus road a? Pros and cons.

They seem to be clouding up my mind today. Yes, I have choices and a decision to make. And I am so happy that I am in this position to say that. I was very scared that this unemployment thing would have me desperately accepting the first offer to come my way. Whereas, I was indeed searching and hoping for at least one job offer - more than one isn't easy. At all. Especially when you like them both. Especially when the pro/cons are the same.

It's pretty much a toss up.

I thought of putting them all in a hat and choosing that way.

And can I add, this is the exact type of behavior that led me to not going to New York. So I need to buck up, fast!

I don't know what's wrong with me. I cannot make a decision on my own to save my life. I have to invlolve everyone I trust around me. Asking them questions like, what would you do? which one would you pick? I'm sure it's annoying to some. I just can't choose. Maybe its doubt for the choice I'm leaning towards or I need verification that I'm making a good choice.

I'm determined to make today's decesion all on my own. It's my Tuesday goal. I'm sure some people I know will be so proud of me that they didn't need to get involved.

I'm just hoping I don't regret one over the other or put all my eggs in one basket that'll ruin the choice not taken later on.

Being an adult sucks. I'm going to go search for that hat...

I Went to East Texas, Y'all!

It was my very first time, too. Cowboy and his brother made fun of me each time, I said something like, "Oh what a cute litle school" when what I was looking at was the biggest high school in the area - could have fooled me or when remarked about all the neat eateries on the side of the road. They thought I was so silly for thinking of just stopping inside one because gosh darn it looks so country! I think the best road trip ever would be to get lost in the country and eat nothing but food from the local roadside jaunts.

We made our way to the meeting point, where Cowboy's mom was waiting.

She was ten times nicer than I thought she'd have been. And that's only because Cowboy didn't paint a great picture. First, you all know how she is married to some racist. Then, he holds the grudge that she withheld him from his high school education by home schooling him. So, fuck me if I had this stereotype built in my head. I admit it was so wrong for me to assume that I'd have to work for her liking. I seriously thought that my race would have me at a deficit with her. If it was, she sure didn't make it known.

Is it too early for me to say, I think she loved me. Seriously.

She was super impressed by the rice krispie pizza. That led us to a long conversation about baking in general, where I totally forgot Cowboy and his brother were sitting there doodling the entire time. Meeting her, made my month, oddly.

It felt like now Cowboy and I's relationship is closing in. I don't know how to explain it, but as soon I met her, I felt more okay about Cowboy and I. Not that I had any doubts of any kind, just more whole about it. Oh my gosh is this making sense?

Like, I feel once you meet family and you either fit in or they take you in automatically - your relationship feels more true.

Let's just say, I cannot wait to take this on the road and meet his other half of family in Arizona and for him to meet my mom.

And the best part of last night was when she gave me a hug. Not just any hug, a long, solid and encompassing hug. I just melted right into her with it. Then she pulled back and told me to take good care of her son.

Which I love to do and plan to keep on for awhile now.

Weekend = Sweet Bonding

I made three of those this weekend. I never made a rice krispie treat in my life and there I was making three rice krispie treat pizzas. I got the receipe from cakespy - a great dessert blog.

I originally made one for my SA Friend's friend. See, my SA friend was in town and her NY Friend was in town on business - so SA came up to see her and they both stayed with me over the weekend. It was NY Friend's birthday, hence the first 'pizza'.

Since I don't eat rice krispie cereal, I decided to use up the box and make another, giving it to Cowboy and his brother (who was in town for the weekend). Cowboy's brother just turned 16; so I knew they'd be spending a lot of quality time in front of the Xbox.

It was perfect timing for me to have a girls weekend and he, his brother bonding weekend. Saturday night, us girls ended up over at Cowboy's apartment. Cowboy's room mates were all going out to the bars and asked for us to join them. Yes, this includes the selfish CR#1 and his girlfriend.

Friend-wise, I am or was on the cusp with them both. Let's just say, my opinion has done a 180. CR#1 was very sociable and hostitable with my friends and myself. He was very outgoing and attentive to us at their apartment and at the bar. Shocker, no?

And in the middle of all this great bonding happening before we went to the bar, Cowboy asked me if I'd like to accompany him when he took his younger brother back home. (!)

Cowboy has to meet his mom halfway and do a little switcheroo/drop off with his brother. So the trip is about an hour away from Dallas. Cowboy suggested I make another 'pizza' because he thinks his mom would love it. Done. Third one made, this afternoon.

Wish me luck!

Temp to Hire is the New Black

I've received five calls in the past two days. Three of them are for contractual/ temp, possible to hire positions. Two would be part time; one is for three months and the other is to cover a maternity leave.

What. The. F?

And three of them want me. I only want one, so far. In all honesty I haven't met with one that sounds kick ass and another I 'meet with' over the phone next week.

The one I want, is full time, three months working on a huge local event in Dallas. Last year the event honored George Bush. Not that I'm excited about him, but that's just to tell you how grand this event is and more importantly how glam the company hiring is.

A week before my job peaced me out, I panicked. In a big way. I sent out an email to all my friends and vendors to see if there was anything out there being kept on the downlow. I sent out a similar email to all my vice president's contacts. He gave me the a-ok to contact them. None of them I've met.

One of his contacts emailed me back and she is hilarious. I loved her from the first e-hello. I still have yet to meet her. Let's just say this woman is connected. We've been emailing each other back and forth this entire time. She's my new internet friend. Monday, it paid off. New Internet Friend's friend emailed me telling me how she got my resume and she is looking for someone to join her in planning this huge local event.

The next day I meet with her. Let's call her Event Planner because that's what she does. And I looooooooooooved her. I kinda knew that she had to be cool, since Internet Friend was super cool. We clicked right away. Then in the middle of the interview this job goes from 3 month deal to possibly permanent! We ended it with her telling me to think of a pay rate and get back to her with it the following morning.

Therein lied the problem. Before me, she was looking to hire an intern, so we know she was looking to pay nothing and get the help for free. Whatever I told her my rate was, I know, it is x amount more in excess that's she was willing to pay. Still with me?

This kept me up all night.

I decided to tell her, $500 more than what I was making at my old job, per month. Yeah. I braved it like that. Here's why. No health benefits, I'd have to provide my own insurance. So, I figured let's aim high, she can counter if she likes, but at least I went there because I know my worth. And I got bills.

She didn't snub at it. But she's taking the weekend to think it over. Oh?

I love interviewing and meeting new people. I figure the more I'm out there, the more practice it is and it allows me to get out of my apartment and get dressed. Seriously. What I hate about it, is putting a number on what I'm worth. Someone told me I was low-balling myself; another adviced that I should always add a few more grand from your current salary because you always want to go up, not back; another suggests to take whatever they offer. And me? Well, from here on out, now I'll be telling folks the same thing I told Event Planner. I figure why, not? What do I have to lose? A job?

I Got More Than 30 Minutes

Last night, Cowboy asked me out on a date. A breakfast date. He wanted me to meet him at this super cute french like eatery that serves breakfast all day and does a kick ass weekend brunch. You know, all bright and shiny at 7:30am.

I kind of am not doing mornings this week. I decided to take a vacay. Sleep in, work out for an hour, cook, watch Oprah (haven't done that, yet), go on the occiasional interview and well just be. At least for a week. You know, before it got all scary looking. Because let me tell you the scariest thing about being unemployed: your bank account statement. The realization that it's not going to increase next Wednesday (your usual pay day) is a shocker. The amount you have in the bank, is what you have. Done. Deal.

Moving towards this date. I rolled my eyes and agreed. There wasn't much I could do. I keep bragging about how I'm a breakfast person and my breakfast food hater/ night stalker boyfriend is trying to compromise and make a date with me. You say, yes.

I'll admit I was still in my warm bed when he called me to get shaking at 7:30! EEK. I'm a trooper and was ready in under 10 minutes ;)

One eye open I met him and his wrapped present. Quel est ceci?

We sat down and he was WIDE awake. Mama needed some coffee and I don't do coffee so it was some hot chocolate and OJ. Stat.

Then it happened...he went into this long diatribe and I'm not gonna you not. I was thinking what any other girl would have thought at this moment in time. No lies here, I'm kinda delusionally hopelessly Romantic. Big R.

He started with how he is some what twistedly happy he went through all his past (shitty) relationships; so he could really appreciate me.

He told me that I take great care of him and he doesn't know how he became so lucky.

At this point, the box has all my attention because I'm wondering and am anxcious how or where this is ending. And if it has anything to do with that box...

We had a few interruptions from the waitstaff. Jeez - can't they see what's happening, here?!?!

And then, the kicker, the creme de la creme that had me biting my tongue (for future reference I just need not to know when the big engagement may happen. Because I have to admit, I kind of liked the anxiety I was feeling at the moment. False or not, I could do it everyday. Is there a job where someone can give you a speech like this all the time? I want that.) - so, the kicker, here is what he said and you tell me you wouldn't have thought the same thing:

"I hope you know that I am done looking for Ms. Right. Because I think I found her with you."

Uhmmmmmmmmmm. Mama?

"I want to make a life with you" Then while I was biting tongue and rehashing in my brain every step that got me here this morning, he went into some speech about babies and I muted him because, babies? Who cares, we'll get to that when we do. As far I know the song still goes, '...first comes love, then marriage, then the baby in the baby carriage'

Then it was box time. WHOO HOO!! My cheeks are burning at this point and I'm pre-planning a reaction, I am so ready for it. Beyond ready.

I rip through the wrapping (great job on that Cowboy!) and open up a Rachael Ray book.

Ooooh because I've been so into her lately. And seriously, too. I reallize that other sentence sounds kinda sarcastic. But for real - I'm allover Ray and her 30 minutes. And last week I told him I didn't think I had enough recipe books. And I want to do a little teeny recipe book library in our kitchen. He gets points.

Back to the anxiety breakfast - he told me he wanted to buy me something to show his thanks that I'm in his life. Shit, if that's the kind of speech he gives for thanks, I seriously think I'll pass out for any other kind of speech he may give ;)

Isn't it Just Super

Yahoo for the Giants! That was the best ever, nail biting ending to a boring game. I think my heart seriously stopped as I watched that pass swirl in the air. Holy moly, it was great!

In other news - I accepted a part time consulting gig with a PR agency. I'm not too sure about it. I've never done consulting, so I'm feeling a bit of pressure. Consulting to me was always for those seasoned people that were close to retiring or retired. And the agency has an opening so I am unsure why she is not just offering me that position?!? But this way I can test it because she noted that this could lead to the permanent position. Huh. For the first time ever, I asked for a sign on bonus. Uhm hmm. We got bills to pay. My life is not a part time deal so it cannot be paid with part time cash. The shocker was she accepted - wow - and I was so nervous asking for the money and really thought beforehand that I was crazy for even trying to get more money out of them...well, well, well. It never hurts to ask.

Cowboy and I may have found the perfect apartment. One floor under his existing apartment. Ha ha. Wood floors, great view of the shopping, kick ass kitchen and a huge bedroom plus a den. I just fell in love with it once we entered. I'd move in tomorrow, if it wasn't for the Iraq thing.

And speaking of which, his deployment date was moved up! Why, why, why? Gosh bless. You'd think that his return date would move up too - nah, that stays the same, and is still possible for extension. What on earth will I do when he leaves? Not to sound like some woe is me/I can't make it without my boyfriend about it. But, seriously? Especially since everyone I know gets extended while out there. Hmm.

Thanks to the JQ Lounge, I am not an avid reader and fan of the McCain Blogette. It's mostly written by McCain's daughter Meghan about the life on the campaign trail but she is super cute and funny. Plus, they like to include things like beauty tips, fashion and playlists. Check it out.

So Matthew McCaughney is on Regis & Kelly, I must start paying attention. Even though, I must say, I just do not like his haircut - he looks too goody goody.

The Job has Officially Peaced Me Out

I know a lot of people do not understand this - but I loved my job. No, really loved my job. I was at work each day (until the end) an hour before anyone else. I was the first one at the meetings. I was the one working through lunch. That job was me. And now, it's gone.

Boo hoo. Right?

It's such a great feeling to finally know what you are good at doing. And I was. I did so much. So much of it was so me.

The event planning. I love planning a party. I can do it all day, any day.

Community relations. Working with several national and regional charities and local groups was so heart warming especially when the group was so appreciative.

Press kit writing. I never liked writing before this, but lifestyle PR writing is a completely different ball game.

Media training. OK- is it sad that part of me looved the fact that I was the one that had to tell our senior manangement how to act in front of the media. Ha ha.

Sponsorships. I really enjoyed the kickbacks from this more than anything, in exchange for most of our donations and sponsorships we were extended tickets to some of the hottest stuff in town.

Product placements in the nation's top publications. I get such a high seeing the bracelet, watch or earring set that I poured a wees and weeks worth of pitching and writing about to land in some magazine. I don't know if people know this, but product placement is free and completely dependent on what the editor thinks is hot or not. More often than not the placement goes more in favor of the 'big advetiser' and we certainly were not it. But the big kicker is you never know if a publication picks up the product until the magazine hits the newsstand. So all your hardwork could amount to nothing or you can flip through InStyle and BOOM, there it is. It's such a climatic task, sometimes.

Jewelry wardrobing for over 4 movie productions. Two films have already been released and I cannot tell you how proud it is to see the necklace you picked out on the big screen. I mean, wow.

The Golden Globes. Shoot, I'll take that trip and memory with me forever.

The travel. I loved seeing all my friends come out and support me at events when I was on the road. I was lucky that most of my bigger regions is where most of my friends lived. Each time I extended the invite for them to join a party instore, they showed. I cannot tell you how much that meant to me, in more ways than one.

Some people would say, what about the jewelry? hmm...can you believe I went my whole time there without buying one single piece of jewelry! Uhm hmm. I can't believe it. There was one time when I almost bought this badass pearl necklace, but then it was more on the trendy side and I didn't think the price would last with it throughout the years. Don't get me wrong - my discount sure was used though. My mom got several baubles for herself; a friend got a watch; a friend's fiance bought her some Valentine's treats; and another went as far as getting the engagement ring. And once you see what the at cost price is on most of the stuff, it kind of turns your head a bit at how much you are over-paying, but this is not about that.

This is about how I'm going to miss every damn day of that job aand every task. It was a lot of fun. I never really felt like I earned a paycheck until this came around. I never felt like I was in my moment, my time, my place in the workforce. And some can say boo hoo, you had the opportunity to continue with this fabulous job - but huh, what I'm not telling you is how that opportunity was really taken away from me, I didn't so much turn it down that easily. And that will stay with me forever. Some could say, oh you will find something just as great...yeah...not to sound pessimistic but how many people can say the above about their jobs? or how many jobs have you absolutely loved that you'd do it for peanuts?

I don't know many. And I don't know many jobs out there like mine.