A long time ago – make that, 6 years ago when I was dating this older man. We dated for three years. In that three years, I became friends with a girl that I worked with. We became really good friends, so when she started dating this guy, we would all go out as a couple. Their relationship grew. And in the back of my mind – I always thought if she gets engaged before me, I will die.
Let me explain. It was just the fact that she and her boyfriend turned fiancé now husband met at least a year into my relationship with older man. Jealousy? Of course – do all girls feel this way? Obviously, I am much happier not with that man anymore. But that feeling always stuck with me. The day they got engaged was my worst day ever. And it wasn’t a good month for the man I was dating. That was then.
My friend V just got engaged. And I am beyond ecstatic for her. Truly and honestly. I feel so much for this engagement for one reason only: if it wasn’t for me, these two would not be dating. V met her now fiancé in high school. Graduation came, everyone went their separate ways and MySpace circled them back. When he first made the move online to her, she agreed to meet him and it turned into about five dates. Then V had a huge problem with him. Very huge. SO huge, I cannot share, but she broke up with him over it.
Now, this problem, is not a big deal to me because it can be worked around. And it kills me when girls let great guys go because of some deal breaker that really isn’t. You have to think to yourself, is it really worth my hang up?
One night, over wine or wait I think it was bloody marys and brunch because that’s how I really roll with V. I had to sit her down and tell her this; you like him, big problem can be worked with, yada, yada, yada. She called him the next day and he was still single and still very much into V.
This all went down last October. You can count back, but I will do it for you – I was dating Cowboy about 4.5 months. I must add the .5. Which means V and her man have been dating for 10 months and then boom engaged!
Let’s take away my pep talk and the fact that I am overjoyed for them both. He is truly and honestly the best man for her. Whenever I’m out with them; he is a genuine gentleman and you can see his love for her and him in their actions. Taking away my pep talk and the fact that she is a good friend of mine and I’m so happy to celebrate this with them…holy crap.
I never thought I’d feel the same way I did back 6 years ago again. Really, I didn’t. I thought I grown and matured and know in my heart the love I have for someone is deep enough that it needs not be compared to others and their timelines. Boy, was I wrong.
I’m sitting here playing tug o war with my brain.
One side: happy, joyous and excited. Other side: WTF? You know what I mean? Are you feeling me? Does this happen to you? You can’t help but compare. Comparison is a bitch. I try not to do it but its sneaks up on you like one stealthy mofo. Especially when you sent the email out to others sharing V’s good news and not one, but two people’s replies were: Are you next? No.
Did they reunite and start dating after I met Cowboy, yes. But love is love. And when its right for others, its right. When its right for me, that time will come. I’m going to keep chanting that. I just wish that this feeling was so not a part of my personality.
5 comments:
It's totally normal to feel a twinge of that! This is coming from a girl who dated her now-husband for nearly 6 years before she got her ring. It probably would have been earlier but external forces (unemployment, sick family) made the timing a bit tricky for us. Despite the frustration I dealt with, I wouldn't have changed the timing. We were in a place that worked for us. But again, I totally know what you mean. :)
FI and I started dating 5 years ago. We both knew within months that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. And talked about it to each other. But since the beginning of our relationship we have been to 6 weddings in which the relationship began after ours. Each and everytime I question how others see our relationship. Do we not love each other as much as that couple? I know we know and I know we love, but it does sting a bit!
it IS normal to feel that way....but I bet ya....I just BET ya, that something might happen when Cowboy gets home! I'm just feelin it in my bones!! ;)
I think it's normal to compare yourself to other couple's and their timelines. I find that I'm more jealous of where they are in life than the fact that they're getting married or whatever. I think your engagement will come and hopefully soon.
I think it's normal as well. But just think when Cowboy gets back and you get engaged (which I think will be soon too!)...you will make someone else equally as envious...it's just a cycle and soon it will be your turn to sport the rock!!!!
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