Yesterday I was stressed out. Every time I had a free moment, my mind went wild. Who did he think he was? Yes, it was unfair for him to judge our future on his past. And what I left out was in his dumb excuse of a reply, he said and I quote: I don’t want to be a place holder at a wedding. What the?
I don’t know what that means. You know what – all that is okay. I could be the one who can say, its only been a year what’s the rush. I tend to come from the camp of, when you know it’s right, you know.
I also come from Cowboy’s long conversations of naming our future children; long detailed speeches about details of a wedding and a debate on whether or not we should baptize children. Oh and let’s not forget – the financial saving plan he spoke of months ago. See, that’s just it. He talks the talk. He limps the walk.
But when it came to me going to him and saying what I wanted: I got the big fat, sorry ass excuse of ‘I’ve been married blah de blah’. Can you tell I’m so over that excuse? That excuse is down there with the “I’m tired” excuse. Can I tell you how much I despise hearing, “I’m tired”. Seriously, take a nap. I don’t want to hear it.
So, he’s been married. He was married for less than a year. I’ve had crappy boyfriends in dumb relationships longer than that. Shoot, I think I’ve had hook up relationships longer than that – oops, yes, I have. Married for less than a year? Come again, boyfriend because I’m not buying that.
I didn’t ask him to marry me and I didn’t ask to have his child. What I said was, “Now, that I’m nearing 31, I think I want to closely and seriously consider what kind of timeline for having a child/family”.
That was it. His response – yeah, you guessed it, ‘‘I’ve been married blah de blah and it was horrible”. I almost don’t care.
Now, I almost understand why women break up with their men while they are over there serving because let me tell you. I can count the hours and know the time over there and when I sent him not one, but three replies back to his dumb as shit excuse email, I waited for the reply from him. And nothing. Yes, I know what times he checks email. Maybe its just me but if I saw those emails coming my way, you better believe I’d reply back pronto.
Instead this is what he did – he started calling me at 4:00am this morning. I didn’t pick up because I didn’t want to have this discussion over the phone while half asleep in only the 20 minutes he’s allowed. I’m sorry if that sounds mean, but its true. He kept calling and calling and calling. I’m sorry I wasn't in a position where I could have just picked up the phone and called him; I had to use email to get my feelings across, yes, it sucks and tone is not really delivered but that’s how it was done. So, get to typing Cowboy.
CD Project: Jennifer Lopez’s The Reel Me. It’s super duper two in one. One disc is a dvd of all her videos and a behind the scenes interview for each video. It is pure awesomeness, if you are down with J.Lo. The other disc contains a few remixes of songs that can be found on her “This Is Me Then” cd. My favorite is Baby, I Love You; Jenny From the Block and the Baby, I Love You remix featuring R. Kelley. He may be a slime ball but the man sure is talented musically.
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5 comments:
One of my least favorite things is when people respond to "how are you" with "ugh. I'm tired." My sister is notorious for this. She's always tired. I'm not sure from what though since she's in her early 20s and only works part time. Tres annoying. Take a nap, indeed.
Anyway, you're doing the right thing by putting your feelings out there and holding the discussion on your terms. It's time for Cowboy to put that failed marriage behind him and move on (with you!).
Whaaa? He is being childish. Placeholder at a wedding? That's what you say when someone is more excited about a wedding than about a marriage. You don't come across that way AT ALL. Boy is talking out his ass because he thinks he's sounding smart. For real.
At the same time, this is a good conversation to have when he gets back. Since you can't get married or pregnant with him in Iraq, might as well wait until he's home and have a long face-to-face/heart-to-heart and see if you're on the same page. He needs to realize that just because he was married before doesn't mean that it would be the same thing with you: if you have a good relationship now, it will still be good after you get married. And crap, we've all had bad relationships. I was engaged before and it didn't work out; that doesn't mean I think it will be the same story with my new guy or like I'm afraid to get engaged again because it might not work ooooooouuuutttt!!!
My heart goes out to you. I agree, hold that conversation on your terms!
You are so wise, so brave and good for you for holding out and waiting for the right time for you to have that conversation.
Married less than a year the first time...jeez...it's time for him to move on from that and make a new future, hopefully with you.
Stand your ground. You should get what you want. And the fact that he had these baby conversations and even initiated them is so frustrating that he's now using that lame excuse!!! I'm on Team Golightly.
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