Yesterday I was stressed out. Every time I had a free moment, my mind went wild. Who did he think he was? Yes, it was unfair for him to judge our future on his past. And what I left out was in his dumb excuse of a reply, he said and I quote: I don’t want to be a place holder at a wedding. What the?
I don’t know what that means. You know what – all that is okay. I could be the one who can say, its only been a year what’s the rush. I tend to come from the camp of, when you know it’s right, you know.
I also come from Cowboy’s long conversations of naming our future children; long detailed speeches about details of a wedding and a debate on whether or not we should baptize children. Oh and let’s not forget – the financial saving plan he spoke of months ago. See, that’s just it. He talks the talk. He limps the walk.
But when it came to me going to him and saying what I wanted: I got the big fat, sorry ass excuse of ‘I’ve been married blah de blah’. Can you tell I’m so over that excuse? That excuse is down there with the “I’m tired” excuse. Can I tell you how much I despise hearing, “I’m tired”. Seriously, take a nap. I don’t want to hear it.
So, he’s been married. He was married for less than a year. I’ve had crappy boyfriends in dumb relationships longer than that. Shoot, I think I’ve had hook up relationships longer than that – oops, yes, I have. Married for less than a year? Come again, boyfriend because I’m not buying that.
I didn’t ask him to marry me and I didn’t ask to have his child. What I said was, “Now, that I’m nearing 31, I think I want to closely and seriously consider what kind of timeline for having a child/family”.
That was it. His response – yeah, you guessed it, ‘‘I’ve been married blah de blah and it was horrible”. I almost don’t care.
Now, I almost understand why women break up with their men while they are over there serving because let me tell you. I can count the hours and know the time over there and when I sent him not one, but three replies back to his dumb as shit excuse email, I waited for the reply from him. And nothing. Yes, I know what times he checks email. Maybe its just me but if I saw those emails coming my way, you better believe I’d reply back pronto.
Instead this is what he did – he started calling me at 4:00am this morning. I didn’t pick up because I didn’t want to have this discussion over the phone while half asleep in only the 20 minutes he’s allowed. I’m sorry if that sounds mean, but its true. He kept calling and calling and calling. I’m sorry I wasn't in a position where I could have just picked up the phone and called him; I had to use email to get my feelings across, yes, it sucks and tone is not really delivered but that’s how it was done. So, get to typing Cowboy.
CD Project: Jennifer Lopez’s The Reel Me. It’s super duper two in one. One disc is a dvd of all her videos and a behind the scenes interview for each video. It is pure awesomeness, if you are down with J.Lo. The other disc contains a few remixes of songs that can be found on her “This Is Me Then” cd. My favorite is Baby, I Love You; Jenny From the Block and the Baby, I Love You remix featuring R. Kelley. He may be a slime ball but the man sure is talented musically.