That Baby

I’ve been putting off this post for awhile as not to offend any mothers or expecting mothers or babies. But there is one baby that I just don’t like. There I’ve said it and I think its perfectly okay not to like a baby. Now, I didn’t say all babies or babies in general, just this one particular baby. That baby.

Remember Cowboy’s roomie? The one who can be a jerk at times? Well he is dating a girl, who is very loud by the way, and she has a baby. Not his baby. This baby is less than 10 months old. Roomie and this girl have been dating since December. You do the math.
If it were me, I don’t think I’d get serious with someone who just had a baby. And this baby, oy.

The first time I met the baby was a complete shock to me. One, the mother is teeny tiny. I never would’ve guessed she just had a baby. And then they told me the baby’s name. I kid you not, the baby’s given name is a Disney character’s name. I’m not going to say it just because it may offend people and I’m not saying the name is a bad name; but when the only reference you have for the name is a Disney flick that was super popular while you were in middle school…yeah. But that’s not where it ends – no one calls the baby by it’s Disney given name. They have another name for that baby. A stripper name.
Again, I’m not mentioning it, but believe me when I say if you knew was it was the only thing you can envision is a pole. So, everyone calls the baby by her future stage name. I don’t. I call the baby, ‘that baby’. I ain’t kidding. Not out of ignorance but because for the first couple of months I couldn’t remember what the baby’s name was…yeah, can you believe it took me awhile to remember Disney character and/or stripper name?

And to add to it, That Baby has her ears pierced. Remember this is back in December/January, so the baby is about 6 months old. And we’re not talking cute baby earring studs – we’re talking mini baby hoops. Can you see the pole, too? And just as loud as the baby’s mama is, the baby is louder.

Stay with me here, I have a louder than loud girl who practically screams just to talk and her even louder baby screaming and crying every time I went over to visit Cowboy at his old apartment. Because that baby was always there. Because the roomie took in this baby probably sooner than the average man would have as his own. I honestly think he is pulling a Jerry Maguire and likes the baby more than the baby mama. And then you all know how my Christmas went down with that baby.

My rolling of the eyes and constantly calling her, That Baby made Cowboy think that I am not a baby person. False. I’m just not that baby’s person. I have friends that have babies and I love them to death and call them by their given names. I cannot wait to meet Bev’s baby. I heart looking at baby photos on several photography blogs. Babies are cute. Not That Baby.

That Baby has a big head, I think it’s grown twice the normal rate than the rest of her body probably because she has doting roomie giving her everything and anything. UGH. He actually asked me to go shopping with him one time to buy baby clothes. No way Jose. Praise the Lord I was going to be out of town that day. But I did see what he came up with: Baby GAP’s entire stock (give him props he did cute) and a Make a Teddy Bear teddy bear. Roomie made it himself and was so darn proud.

So let’s fast forward to recent events with That Baby. You know how I had game night? Well baby mama brought That Baby to my game night. Loud mama and her loud screaming baby came to our party at 1am! That’s when they arrived. Take a minute, roll it around. And I played good hostess, I smiled and I tried to calm That Baby down, I also apologized to people for loud screaming baby. I even made excuses for the baby and told people that she is usually not like this and I nearly spit beer out my nose when one of my friends said back, “Well, it is one in the morning”

True that.

So we move on and get over it and Sunday rolls around when Cowboy and I walk down the street to visit them in their new apartment. Baby mama and That Baby’s real daddy were having somesort of drama. We tried to excuse ourselves and said we’d come back – we literally live a block from each other. But no, baby mama insisted we stay and that her drama would be over quickly. While those 2 adults did their drama, we were stuck with That Baby. I cannot even muster the words to relive that one. We left with me saying I just don’t like That Baby.

I don’t and I think that’s okay.

CD of the day: Barry White’s Icon of Love
Reason I bought the CD: Practice What You Preach – super, super, sexy song.
Favorite track: Practice What You Preach. It is safe to say, I have no clue what any of the other tracks are on the CD.