I love Cowboy to the moon and back.
I want to bottle up what I feel for him and never have it not next to me. Never in my life did I think I’d meet someone that makes me laugh, question, and love. He is so patient and loves me so. Unconditionally. That’s super important. I can say or do the silliest thing. I can throw a temper tantrum like the scariest 3 year old you know. I can be very selective. I can be Ms. Know it All. I can be very un-decisive. I can be an emotional wreck, a hyper one, the sober one, a drunk crazy or a mess. And you know what? All that is okay because there is unconditional love.
Especially when I decide that he would look so much cuter downloading music in my hot pink scarf.
My problem is I don’t think I share this enough with the people in my life, other than him, that I care about. There are two reasons for this. Other people’s opinions and sacred privacy. I have learned in the past, the hard way, not to share all your intimate details with some friends. They will either share them with others or judge. And sometimes, they just don’t understand.
Sharing with others isn’t so bad but I wonder what the intentions and context are. I know I shouldn't care, but its my relationship and more importantly my boyfriend, so I tend to.
Judging, I think is natural. We all judge to some degree or the other. It’s how you display that judge that can irk me to death. Some people make the nastiest judgments that I honestly think they cannot hear the words coming out of their mouth. Especially when they know its someone you care about. In that case, I often blame myself than the other person. I’m the one that decided to share intimate details with Judgement – even though I know it’s always high judging season with this particular person.
Then there is the clueless. I say these are people that have never been in love or are just plain cynical. I’d share something with them and their response is more often than not, “Why would you do that?” Uhhhhhhhhhm because I love him. “That’s dumb” – well, you can imagine how frustrating it all can be. And maybe you have people who are bystanders in your relationship that fall into one of these categories.
This problem of mine is getting in the way of other friendships. Some of my friends are complaining that they had no idea Cowboy and I were that serious to move in together. Some are saying that they had no idea that I care for him so much. Some don’t know anything personal about him or us. And I am to blame. I’ve taken past experiences and other’s opinions as the scapegoat. No more.
Whereas I can praise him and his love so much on the blog to the internets, why can’t I do it with my friends other than you? It’s a problem that I’ve been trying to answer lately and that’s what I came up with.
It all came very clear to me when I was chit-chatting with my mom Saturday night. Everything I told her about Cowboy, she had the response of, “What? You never told me that." If my mom didn’t know, then I know tons of people don’t. And what the F was stopping me from telling her?
Like my friends, her response has always been, “I’m so happy for you."
It’s time to shut those two naysayers up. If you know me, on the flip side, be ready to hear tons of gushy stories about the man who is not afraid of my hot pink scarf.