I just love him. Lots of people ask me or question the emotions in our relationship. I'll admit, he is not the type of guy my friends picture me with. But that's just the surface. Beneath, he is the perfect guy for me. I can't explain why, when they ask, so that they'll understand - but I can tell you it feels like a song. (I like to start this week out with a cliche and metaphor)
Friday night was a doozie for me. We were out celebrating CR1's birthday. If you recall, he's the room mate that doesn't 'do' Christmas. His girlfriend made him do his birthday. Towards the end of the night, my feelings were hurt by CR1. And it wasn't minor but Cowboy was way too drunk to even know what happened. So I left the bar and went home. The next day Cowboy and I got into what happened. And it started an emotional conversation from him to me.
Never before have I been in this. Never before had I known someone to care for me the way he does. Never before.
He told me how it hurts him so much to see my feelings hurt. His first reaction is to kick CR1 in the head. I thought that was a little extreme. He went on to say, that his instinct is to protect me, no matter what. And from there, he got deeper, more emotional. He shared with me, that he wasn't sure what I was thinking but that he wants to see us together (in the long haul); he wants me to know that I can trust him with anything and that he loves me.
All that said and done. Yes, lately, I've pulled away. Can you blame me? I've been freaking out over so many things lately (car, job, future money)and then there is his stuff to stress over as well. Like he officially received his deployment orders. AACK! He really really would like to move to Phoenix. HOLEY MOLEY!
Yeah, I knew all along that he was going to Iraq. I think in the back of my mind it wasn't really a reality until this past week when it became official ship out date. For me to really stress out about it is driving me nuts. And yes, he is only leaving for 4 months. But the military is known to extend those things. And I think 4 days without him is horrible.
And then there is Phoenix. He's been offered several times, the exact same job with his same company in their Phoenix offices. For $15k more in pay. Great deal for him because all his brothers, uncles/aunts, living grandparents and cousins live in Phoenix. He'd like nothing more but to be close to family. And then there is me. I'd love nothing more than to have my mother live close to her (future) grandkids. Buut if I wanted to live in Phoenix that badly, I'd already be there. The thing of it is, timing. If he does this before he goes to Iraq - it'd be more ideal for me. I'd just find some job that I can leave with no problem in a few short months. You know, somewhere like The Gap. If he waits until he comes back from Iraq. I may be working somewhere that I completely love, love, love. And I am not the type to give that up without a serious commitment. A very serious commitment...which brings me to the marriage conversation we had last night.
During my usual Sunday WE Wedding Marathon afternoon - we are so going to discuss "Rich Bride, Poor Bride" very soon. I live to love to hate that show. Cowboy was very into this one wedding planning that was happening. It was the usual, bride having a temper tantrum over some silly expensive element to her wedding. And he got to asking...lots o questions. Even when it was over - still, the questions. It didn't hit me until he was gone for the night, exactly what those questions meant.
So, never before have I been at this place where my boyfriend speaks openly about a future together (and means it). Never before have I been a huge factor in life decisions. Never before have I been the priority no questions asked. It's really nice. It makes me smile. Like a Michael Buble song.