I'm on a Roll

Darn it, I have half a day left tomorrow of not being in the office. Let me tell you, it has been bliss.

Last night I made risotto for Cowboy and his roommates. I swear one of them almost straight up asked me to marry him. A week ago, I ordered the new turkey and cranberry risotto at La Madeleine. It was just okay but I fell in love with idea: turkey and cranberries. Yesterday, I attempted making up my own recipe along the way. DELICIOUS!

I made a simple plain risotto then mixed in dried cranberries and diced turkey (from the deli at the grocery). I did add more Parmesan cheese than I normally would. It was great. After we went and saw "Gone Baby Gone".

That was one depressing movie. But I did learn two things: Morgan Freeman is a badass when it comes to acting and Casey Affleck makes a track suit look damnnnnnnnn good! He was very easy on the eyes.

Cowboy and I had to promise each other the next movie we would see has to be a comedy. It has been nothing but depression central for us at the movies. In the past 2 weeks, we've seen: The Kingdom (I didn't like it); Into the Wild (so good, I don't even know what to say, except GO SEE IT); Saw IV (aiyee); and last night's Gone Baby Gone.

Today, being my last full day at home, we had lunch at a new Mexican restaurant in my 'hood and drank carafes of sangria on the patio. I love love love being off from work when the weather is as perfect as its been these past few days. Totally loving it.

I know I told y'all I would be watching The View and Oprah..hmm. Well, I only caught yesterday's Oprah (I've been so busy, seriously) and Cindy Crawford & Rande Gerber were on it, letting people know how they live. Oprah kept coming on saying 'don't we just love to see how other people live?'

Yeah...we do. People in our means! They did have some good affordable cannot live without favorites. Then Oprah let out the secret - this year she is bringing back her screamfest Favorites episode. Back by popular demand. Who the F requested for that to come back? The producers need to tell the audience to hold in their screams until the very last item comes out. It gets old so quickly. We all know that whatever Oprah has as her favorite, the audience is getting...so do they really need to scream after each item is brought out by her elves?

And for all of you who are asking about yesterday's box...the reason it is orange is because orange, brown and cream are the colors of the event planning firm. So, the filler inside is brown. The resume, orange. The box is the same orange with the cream bow wrapped around it. The box is a canvas letter holder from the desk accessories section at The Container Store.

The idea really came about when I was just sitting around pondering how to get my resume in front of the owner. Seriously, it was a 3 hour brainstorming session. I ran through about 10 ideas on the resume delivery method. Spent about two hours on their website to gather more ideas. That night as I lied in bed, still pondering, it hit me hard with the idea. At first, I wanted an acrylic clear box, but the one at Container Store was $25, then I saw the orange canvas one - which is the perfect exact same shade they use, so it morphed into that.

Speaking of job hunting and resume sending...it's been a successful week, I've had a couple phone interviews and one face to face interview.

And that's all I got!

I Now Present to You...

This box.

This box took all of my free time yesterday and last night. I was all up in the Container Store, for an hour, looking at letter size boxes. And then there was the ribbon. I needed the perfect shade of off-white to complement the orange box.

And then the filler inside the box - which is dark brown - not just any dark brown, but chocolate.

Last night I became a semi-resident of Kinkos - resurrecting my college days when I would spend the bulk of the night at Kinkos working on a class presentation and/or project. Printing brown ink on orange paper was a part time job of itself and I have no idea why Kinkos employs the daftest people for its night shifts?!?

This morning I hand wrote a cover letter/note which is tucked into the ribbon.

I wrapped up the box, to what you see here, then walked it five blocks to the UPS store for it to be shipped.

Shipped four blocks to an event planning firm.

Inside this box lies my resume. Wish it luck.

I'm Not Engaged but Good Damn!

"Good damn! Good damn! These are the best!", that's all Cowboy could say when he was biting into the grilled bacon wrapped stuffed hotdogs I made, last night. They were good, but damn - good damn, as he put it.

I read this over at the JQ Lounge. Being a hotdog fan, myself I always wanted to try it. Then Cowboy was sporting a hangover and I immediately thought the best cure for that would be those dogs. It was and more...

The recipe is here.

I did a pretty good damn job, if he says so. My only advise to anyone making them is to make sure you strategically place your toothpicks when wrapping the bacon around the hotdogs. I wasn't thinking ahead and just pierced them through - not thinking that they would be in the way when grilling the dogs.

But my advise is for everyone to make them. I also changed up the recipe and subbed in carmelized onions for the onions (only because Cowboy hates raw onions) and it added a great flavor.

I especially advise for anyone who believes in this engagement chicken theory - DROP THAT - the dogs are where it's at.

After the good damn meal, we met his room mate and his girl at the movies for Saw IV.
HOLY SHIT.

1. There was a family in the theater. A family of three girls all under the age of five and a baby. The parents sat one row behind them. W.T.F? And it was 10:40 when the movie started...Now, I understand that you really really really wanted to see this movie. And I understand that you probably could not find a babysitter. But, seriously? Did you have to watch it that badly? Was there no other day or time that you could do this? What is wrong with parents? My parents wouldn't even let me watch "Pretty Woman" at the age of 8th grade! Rated R meant rated R in my day. It didn't mean parental guidance. And this is where I think movie ushers, seriously need to just block these crazy parents out of the theater. For real.
One of the girls started screaming along with me within the first few minutes of the film.

What is wrong with that picture?

2. That was the most graphic Saw, yet. I thought I'd seen it all when it comes to this series - but no, just when you think the movie has gotten rid of a character or that time has gone by - noooooooooooope. BAM! It's right back where you left off a character and you are forced to think back to that film and remember what that storyline was all the while keeping up with the new characters and their stories and new game.

As it's Monday and I promised myself I'd be doing what I want to do...I missed out on The View because I was cooking us breakfast and doing semi-work from home (vacation, yeah, riight). Now it's off to the mall and hopefully I will be back before Oprah's on.

W.T.F.

It's been a very rough week. Rough. And yesterday was the culmination of it all. Do you ever get to the point where you just want to scream, 'enough is enough!'? I was there, a good five times yesterday. Crying twice and throwing a hissy fit once.

During the week, I lost my badass job as I know it. They can let me go anytime between November 1 and January 31, 2008. Since, I'm a natural planner, there is no way I can just stick around for the unknown cut off - so it is back to job shopping. And it kills me to see job descriptions of jobs I want, badly. I tend to overthink my cover letter and resume. Triple check the email I'm sending to the contact. How do I stick out and let them know I'm extremely interested without sounding so desperate?

Also during the week - we had the brake job. I love my new brakes, not my new savings account balance. I got the new brakes before I realized I could be cut from job at any given date after November 1. If I had known that, I'd have sacrificed and waited on the brakes. It wasn't an immediate need, it did need to be done but still, you get what I'm saying, right? If I had that money in my savings, I wouldn't be freaking out.

Also, my college roomie. Did I tell y'all, she and her lying age husband are back living here in town? They are. And I officially do not like him. This is hard. Because all my friends that are married or have boyfriends - I really really like their significant others. But this one? Not so much. There is the lying age. But there is also, the fact that he is just a dud and cannot let her do anything without him. And as much as I hint or straight out ask her to do something with me, just us - he somehow gets involved. WTF?
This time, my frustration lies with her. She called me on Thursday asking me out for her birthday drinks on Saturday night. She straight up told me she didn't have a time, yet but wanted me to put it on my social calendar. Her words. I did.

Then, Cowboy was definitely wanting me to be his date to a Halloween party. And loving Halloween as much as I do and having had an outfit idea since July, I was in...almost.

I called College Roomie to find out a time, was it happy hour we were doing or out all night drinks? Her reply, on Saturday afternoon, "I don't know. I have a massage at five, I'll call you after that"

Cowboy and I spend the day at the overly crowded Party City with all the other last minute costume buyers and their SCREAMING kids. We had a quick lunch and we were supposed to catch an afternoon movie buuuut waiting on College Roomie's phone call stunted that plan.

ooohkay...6pm, she calls. And I shit you not, here is the conversation, verbatim:
Me: What time do you want to meet?
CR: I don't know. What time do you want to meet?
Me: It's your birthday...
CR: 8:30
Me: Ok, where should I meet you?
CR: I don't know...where's a cool place to hang out in Addison?
(One, hello, I don't hang out in Addison (sorry) and two, it's your plans, why am I making them?)
Me: CR, it's your birthday, where do you want to go?
CR: Just meet us at our place and we'll figure it out.

OH MY GOSH. Believe me when I say, I threw the phone across the room. I was so beyond the word pissed and frustrated. I was totally committed into non-plans for a Saturday night. I had to tell Cowboy that it didn't look good for me joining his party. When I told him that, I was in full on bitch mode and he was the first person I spoke to, so he got it a 100% (I feel so bad). Poor thing was confused as to why I was so pissy and annoyed.

I explained to him the predicament I was in:
Unknown Saturday night plans that I committed to; indecisive birthday girl; her F*ing lying husband; and no Halloween for me. But add all the week's drama on top of this sandwich...I had no control over the breakdown that then occurred. Tears, fumes, tears, venting and more tears. I had enough.

Then this is why I love him, he was quiet, understanding and said, "Do I need to cancel my plans and go to these drinks with you?"

I told him no. Because I know that he only has every other Saturday off and to pull him from his friends and the party to be with me. Would be torture. And I couldn't do that to him, it was better for me to put up with my friend and her damn husband than to put him through it as well.

So, I went, solo with my glasses on. Let me tell you, if I'm going out at night and you see me with my glasses on - it's one of two things: 1. My contacts are lost, torn or irritating me. 2. I just don't care. Last night, it was #2.

I arrived and there was still no plan. Go figure. Then I'm forced to drive up and down the busy 'happening' street of Addison - lined with restaurants and bars and cops. Driving while College Roomie and her husband debate where to go. NOT. FUN.

Finally they pick a place and it's alright. I still was annoyed, but what can you do? I survived, like I knew I would. But God bless, can this week please be better?

I'm hoping for some job interviews because I have Monday - Wednesday off!* YAHOO. 5 day weekend. (I took it off because who knows when I'll be let go and only being with the company less than a year, my severance doesn't include any untaken vacay)




*I plan on cooking, baking, lunching, The Viewing and Oprahing it all 3 days. Word.

Lists

I make lists. I make so many, I could make it a part time job. I enjoy making lists. Sometimes, I'll set aside time in the day to make a list.

Grocery lists. Shopping lists. Call lists. TV lists. To-do lists.

Groceries are a given. But I make my list while watching the Food Network. Every Sunday. I'll get a fresh piece of paper and squat in front of the TV. Watching. Watching about a good hour, 2 shows and if something interests me, I scribble it down. Ingredients facinate me. Not just ingredients for a recipe, but for life and lists. I'll add other food items to the list to make it throught the week and then head to the grocery later in the day. Lately, I've been way too busy to even make a list, let alone go the grocery.

Shopping. I heart it. I have an ongoing list next to my desk at home; in one of my two planners that I carry around everywhere; and one at work. These lists make up the clothing items I really really covet. I may see something online, in public, on a coworker or just thought up and I write it down. It's more like a wish list. More often than not, I forget it when I go shopping and buy items not on the list. Go figure.

I think I am horrible when it comes to talking on the phone to those people I care about but rarely see. They either live out of town, out of state or down the street and I barely get to speak to them. I have a list of who to call, people I have not spoken to in ages.

And yes, I keep a list of what to watch on TV. This is so sad, so I better just keep going to the most obvious list of all...

To-do lists. Each afternoon before I leave work I compile a list of to-do for the next day, so I am prepared. I also have a task list for everyday life.

Lists are my life. I heart lists. I love putting the pen or pencil to paper and mapping out my life and the to-dos in it.

No NYC For Me

A decision has been made. I will be staying in Dallas. Proper.

I think it's better.

Most importantly I am happy with the decision. Honestly, I kept weighing it and re-weighing it over and over. Once I had a decision that I was 100% about, BOOM, the other decision came along. I feel about ten pounds lighter.

In other news: why is car maintenance so expensive? Seriously. Today my car repair is costing me $400.

In my head that's four complete outfits. It's at least a months worth of dinners and lunch. It's one great pair of shoes. It's a plane ticket somewhere or even a multiple destination Southwest plane ticket.

OUCH

With that, I'll be staying in for the next couple of weeks, budgeting like a motorscooter. Which may be a good thing...because now with the above decision I will have to watch the dollars and save, just in cases...

In case, I don't find a job before we have to be out of the offices. Which honestly, since I am out of the office today, doing car stuff, is once again - NIIICE.

Regis & Kelly. The View. Martha. Tyra. Oprah. King of Queens reruns.

It's all here.

Can I do it again? That's the question.

It Hasn't Gotten Easier...

Can someone just make the decision for me, already?
Seriously. (speaking of, did you watch Grey's Anatomy? Was it just me or did you really, really, really, really, really want to see Callie kick Izzie's ass? I was so seriously on the edge of the couch...waiting for...nada! F that. Do over!)

Back to New York City...

And Cowboy...

This looming decision over our heads has forced us into the 'talk'. The dreaded talk. Honestly, I don't know what I wanted him to say. I don't know what I needed to hear to make the choice easier for me to make. This is what I can tell you...

If Cowboy were (Not So) Incredible - someone I dated for 2 years. NYC decision would have been made, day 1. I wouldn't even consider him in the equation. I'd most likely see New York as my escape.
When I moved to Dallas from San Antonio I was dating someone, someone I dated for over 2 years. And I still moved regardless of what he thought or wanted.

But Cowboy is Cowboy and he is perfect, so tonight he lays it on the line. Tonight he warns me that he is not good with expressing his feelings. Tonight he has not thought out what he was about to say - and when he wants to say something seriously, he thinks it out. So, tonight, I should just listen to him and I heard this:

If someone were to ask him what he thought about me and the relationship; he would say: Golightly is great, I can't believe we found each other the way we did and everything is great. Nothing I do gets on her nerves and nothing she does gets on mine.

Where does he see the relationship headed, if I stay in Dallas: If in 4 or 5 months or a year from now, our relationship is as it is and neither one of us is annoyed with being with the other. And we still want to be with each other and we are still crazy for the other. He can see us together indefinitely.

Where does he see the relationship headed, if I go to New York: same as the above, but it will take a lot longer for us to get there.

His current state of the relationship is: He didn't want to date anyone until the next year (2008) because he was new to Dallas and just wanted to enjoy the city, partying and hanging out...until he met me.

To hear him say all this knocks me off my feet, but then I'm grounded with the hard fact that we've only known each other 5 months. It's not that long, but it's not that short either. It's basically long enough to know you want to be serious with this person, but too soon to tell if you truly can say you are going to see yourself together forever.

My take is: I wish this job offer came up 6 months from now.

True, there are planes and my job allows me to travel a lot (within the state of Texas)

My head says to do one thing. My heart says the other. My heart doesn't think its worth the risk. The risk of losing a great guy to the failure of a long distance relationship. The risk of then finding another great guy in New York.

Staying in Dallas would be best for me (the hopeless romantic) and if things didn't work for Cowboy and I, I have a great support system of friends already in place. And we know how much I love that Dallas skyline. If I move and I'm miserable, I'm committed to at least one year in NYC (or else I owe 100% of all relocation costs)

Living in New York could be badass with my career: PR and jewelry and event planning? I love it!

And I know me, when all my coworkers are packing up ready to go to the city, I'll be secretly thinking what if I made the wrong choice?

Yes - New York is a dream of mine. When I was 23, young, gullible, fearless, gutless and gung-ho. I'm 2 months from 30 where I'm ___________.

Who knows...but I can say I'm in love; I'm scared; I'm stressed; I'm lost and hopeless.

Attention: New Yorkers

I need help. Is a $55,000 salary enough to live and experience New York?

I was offered the position but the salary is on the low end, in my opinion.

Honestly, I could probably find a job in Dallas for that pay.

But, it's New York. And the more I think about it (without putting Cowboy in mind. And that is difficult enough) I want to continue my career - because I love my job, but I don't love it so much that I'm willing to be be poor in a new city for it.

HELP!

4 Day Weekend - Here, I come!

Yep, yep I am on vacation and am about to start a 4-day weekend. Cannot. Wait.

Tomorrow I embark, yet again to San Antonio, Texas. Yeehaw! For a 4 day fun packed weekend. Full of Willie Nelson, a birthday dinner, a birthday lunch (two different celebrations for two different people), a wedding and great times with friends.

It'll be the first time that anyone in San Antonio has met Cowboy...

He must be nervous. He knows he is going to meet my closest friends - the ones whose opinions matter the most, the ones that I talk him up to, the ones that he thinks I'll be venting to, if he ever did any wrong. (still perf, even when he makes a mistake he is perfect!)

And then there is the wedding date. Doom. How do guys take that? Being the wedding date? Is there pressure there? You know to act all formal in a room of people you barely know. To act like you care about any of the people in the room? To be with your date fully knowing that you are at a very romantic event and the thoughts that may be going through her mind may scare you a little bit. Because she has no choice but to fantasize what a wedding day will look like for herself with you in it?

I've never been a wedding date, myself. I have no idea what I am putting him through. I can only imagine, it's rough. He'll only know me.

To tell the truth, I'm really not worried so much about him. I think his fabulousness will translate.

And on another note...I'm looking for a job. No word, yet on NYC. No job offers have been made to anyone on my career level. So, we still sit and wait for word. I'm sick and tired of it. I had to start looking out for myself. It's back to cover letters, resumes, interviews and possible disappointment.

I'm going to enjoy this time off, while I can :)

No Plan is the New Black?

When did having no plan become the new plan?

Seriously.

It seems every which way I turn, people have no plans. And it's just accepted. When did this trend begin? Who started it? I could kick them for it.

No plan cannot be the plan.

The company that took over our brand has no plan for us, as of right now. This week, they are trying to figure out what to do with us and where to put us. OK. When you buy something, you have a plan for it. You just don't buy it and leave it in a corner!

This past weekend, the people I was going to hang out with had no plans. And I'm talking absolutely nothing, nada, zip. Not even a time frame of when to meet up for our non-plan plans.

Last week, one of my store managers gave a speech. Since he had no plan, he screwed up and mis-named the charity that we were benefiting that night. Uh-oh.

Why is this happening?

As a planner, myself, it annoys the living pulse out of me. For real.

I'm not going to commit to anything unless there is some sort of structure to it. It's only fair. Don't call me ten minutes before it goes down because plan evolved in the last few minutes...and dare I say, I think it all boils down to: everyone is waiting for something better to come along.

Uhm. Hmm. I. Said. It.

I think its the same reason why no one RSVPs anymore. They are all just waiting for the better invite to come along.

In saying they have no plan, is like saying, I would like to include you and do something with you buuuuut let's keep it as vague as possible until the very last minute when I absolutely know that J.Lo is not calling me for dinner plans and then, and only then, will I give you some inkling into what I have planned for us.

But until then, there is no plan and that's the plan.

Yaz = Menopause = PMS = Bitchiness

I never ever ever experience PMS. I'm not kidding. People can never tell when it's my time of the month. Because I don't go straight up bitch on their asses.

But, let's talk about Yaz, shall we?

And not in the dumbest of all dumbest commercial kind of ways. (seriously? who came up with that concept? If I had a doctor friend and she spoke to me like that, I'd kick her. Especially when she talking like that over drinks. No. That's just not right)

So, I took the Yaz. Because my doctor, who is not my friend, suggested it was the easiest pill to start with. Low dosage. That doesn't mean low effectiveness. Low dosage does mean hot flashes, so can I have the high dosage now?

But, maybe I should explain my bitch ass mood today.

I took 2 pills within 24 hours of each other. Let me explain...

As a birth control pill virgin, this is all new to me. I have to take the pill at the same time everyday? And I want it to be effective...so day 1, I took it in the morning. Then I thought, what happens on a weekday when my morning begins earlier or when I sleep in on weekends...so I decided to take the next day pill at 6pm. Then, I thought about it and the doctor, who is not my friend, told me its best to take with a meal. I don't always eat dinner at 6pm. But I always eat lunch at or around noon. Today I took the Yaz at noon.

And the bitchiness and hot flashes started at 12:30.

It was like I was Susan Meyer up in this piece. Hot one minute, cold the next. Fanning myself, stripping clothes off or curling up in a warm ball under my desk. It was craziness.

I never ever want to be menopausal. When I was younger, my friends and I would joke how we were so looking forward to it - because that meant no more periods.

Well, if it's anything like today. F that. Give me a period till I'm 100 years old.

And on the other hand - if the pill is designed to trick your body pregnant...is this how pregnancy is, as well? Hot flashes? Bitchiness?

Then I don't want that either.

I think I near done scared Cowboy away for the rest of the week. Yesterday, I wanted babies. Today, I could kill a baby.

We're still blaming the hormones. More specifically, we blame Yaz. Logically, we should blame me for taking 2 birth control pills within 24 hours of each other. Smart one, Golightly, real smart.