"My Boyfriend Will Kick Your Butt in Buck Hunter"

I get a wee bit competitive when it comes to games and sports. I would have been damned to come in last in my football pool last year. Last summer during game night my team won each and every game we played. That's how I roll when it comes to sportmanship. It's either win or get the F out of here.

This vice comes out swinging if I've been drinking...case in point last night.

I took my friend to meet Cowboy and his friends at a sports bar. They were playing pool when we first got there - giving me enough time to drink up.

Someone suggested we get all our dollar bills and play Buck Hunter.

Huh?!?

It's a video game where you hunt. You use a virtual gun - dang - I so need a real gun now to go hunting.

We teamed up. Unfortanately I have poor aim and this was my first time at this game. So poor Cowboy was stuck with the beginning loser (me). But he was so cute cheering me on and patting my butt for encouragement.

We need a side note: How fun is P.D.A? I'm not one for making out at the bar, anymore, but give me a quick peck, hug, or arm wrap around and I am yours. You can tell me you like me from here to the moon, but a public show of ownership - ahhh, I'll take that 100 times a day. Call the Feminists, but I like to be owned in public: I liked to be led in the street by his hand; guided througth a bar; and that light hand on the small of my back branding me as his - YES. YES. YES!

So back to Buck Hunter...after about three rounds I was reloading and firing that gun like I hunt every weekend. And forget the bonus rounds - I was killing birds and frogs like there was no one's business. And what's up with not shooting the ewes or does? Is that how it is in the real wild - you must leave the girl animals alone?

Uh oh listen to me - when's hunting season?

We played a good few games when one of the guys had teh bright idea to go to another bar where there was a much more improved Buck Hunter. I was game.

Second bar and I'm very tipsy. I should also let you know that when I drink, I get very in yo face if need be.

Some randoms thought they could beat us at Buck Hunter. WTF? (Yeah you read correct - I just started this game about 2 hours before this moment) This one guy went as far as to challenge us with money. Game. On.

We beat those suckers. Ha ha.

My shoulders hurt from where you need to rest the gun and I swear when I was driving this morning into work, I was imagining the game and how I could impreove my score and aim. Uh oh.

So hey if you need a hunting buddy, call me up, I am game.

Passport = Freedom

I haven't felt more free since Monday - when my passport arrived in the mail. HOLLA.

Ain't no stopping me.

Oh, the places I can go now and never come back. Ha!

Yeah. Riiight.

I'm leaving for Mexico in just one week and I couldn't be more excited. The trip is for a bachelorette party. It's a bunch of girls (duh) that I don't get to see that often. One, I haven't seen in years. One, I haven't seen since December. Another, not since April. And the bride to be, I haven't seen since January.

That's a lot of catching up to do.

Drinks. Beach. Cabana boys. Real Deal Mexican food. Snorkeling. And Relaxtion. Capitalized, so take that!

Nowadays you need a passport to travel to and fro Mexico. Which I personally think is some ridiculous bullshit. But what can you do?
I also think passports should be free. Yeah. FREE. As in no fee. What is up with that? Or they should have some special North American pass where it is free, no fee, and you can only use it to travel within North America.

Since we are talking about passports...don't you think it's funny that they can process a passport in 2 weeks (with an extra fee) but it takes them 6 - 8 weeks to process them normally? Think about that one.

Now, I'm ready to go. France. Austrailia. The Bahamas. Japan. We are all ready to go, at least for the next ten years.

Choices

I have decided to keep on dating Cowboy. His pro list out numbers his con list like a motorscooter. But...it's not just that.

Isn't life all about the choices we make. Where would we be if we didn't make said choice?

He's made the choice to distance himself from his family, particularly his step-father. I'm just going to have to trust that none of that has filtered into his head or nor will it, if we get serious, in the long run.

My own father has values that I despise. Am I my father's daughter? No. I made the choice to recognize qualities I didn't like in him and will make sure that I don't repeat them or end up with someone with the same qualities.

So for Iraq...aiyee, aiyee, aiyee. It had nothing to do with him being gone for four months - seriously what is four months? That's like Summer. It has nothing to do with any morbid thought of him dying - he works a desk, not combat. It had to do with him volunteering to go. Because? I would never. That rationale is so foreign to me - am I selfish, no. Just a big old scaredy cat that wouldn't play part in something I don't believe in. When he speaks about it, a piece of my heart just breaks. I should be proud that I'm with someone like that. And I'm going to be.

It's not really about pros & cons, it's about the choices. And I choose to date him. Who the heck knows - he could be an ex before Christmas rolls around. In the past I've always chosen who I date and this I feel could be way better than those choices made in the past, especially

when he is whispering the sweetest things to you.
when his (girl) room mate knows the explicit details of your Reno trip that you only got to tell him via texting.
when he is teasingly wrestling you on a couch and then momentarily stops to give you that look. Oy! That look can be the end of me.
when he invites you to a week long destination wedding/vacation in St. Lucia (uh huh!).
when his tattoo becomes another excuse for you to be attracted to him.
when everything makes you so blissfully happy that you forget to sleep.

On that note, I'm running on 2 - 5 hours of sleep ever since Saturday night. I don't know where the energy is coming from right now to even keep my eyes open or where I'm muster the energy because I'm on my way over to his place where he is cooking up a meal for a group of friends. I don't think my body can handle a wink right now for it may be mistaken for a nap. Thank goodness he lives in walking distance because me, behind a steering wheel right now is nothing but a bad choice to make.

Your Every Line Your Every Word. You're Everything

Guess where I'm going?

You'll never believe what I'm excited over...

RENO.

Uhm hmmm.

The trip is work related but come 8pm it will be all about Michael Buble.

Oh. Yes.

I am so digging "Everything" right this very minute. It's my new favorite tune. Don't know it...enjoy it and the video.

Dealbreakers?

I had the bright idea of making buffalo wings for Cowboy last night. He also wanted to watch Uncle Buck - we both have a fondness for John Candy. I didn't go to bed until 4:30am. We didn't watch Uncle Buck and we for sure did not have sex.

But da-amn those buffalo wings were good.

While I was cooking, Cowboy was getting a teensy bit too grateful. There's nothing wrong with that, but when you hear "You are slowly becoming the most amazing person I know" because you're standing over a hot vat of oil you begin to question it. Because? They are just chicken wings. And hot sauce. I didn't skin a chicken or anything.

Apparently, I am the only girl who has cooked anything for him. How could this be? He's been married. Well ex-wifey never lifted a finger in the kitchen. All I could say was 'wowza' while he nearly dropped on his knees to propose*

Conversation moving along...come to find out he didn't know the difference between Marvin Gaye and Barry White. I'm not going to get all music snobbery - but - come. on! Barry White did not sing "Let's Get it On". Doesn't everyone know that? You do now.

My mini lesson in R&B led me to ask him a question that has been on the back of my mind:
"Have you ever dated a Black girl before me?"

I should have known the answer. Him being from Beaumont, Texas. I should have, but I was still shocked. Answer: no. I'm the first Black girl he has ever kissed and so on and so on. You can imagine my shock. I don't do projects. Believe me. Been there. Done that.

I don't know if any of you may know any - but there are guys out there prowling solely for some dark juice. Once they get that dark juice - they are gone. Then there are some where they are just trying it on for size. Then there are the ones who only date outside their race. And there are the ones who just date whomever they are attracted to. The latter is what I prefer.

So this lead to the biggest conversation ever. Which led to the biggest revelation ever...his step dad is rather racist. Cowboy straight up told me, which I think took some balls, "Please don't be offended if down the road you never meet my step-dad." What do you say to that? Cowboy very much dislikes his step-dad. He told me all sorts of stories, some scary, some shocking, and some just plain sad. I'm not ignorant I know people like his step-dad exist. What I cannot grasp is what does that say about Cowboy? His mom obviously married this man. Cowboy had to live with him for awhile himself. But do you cast that aside and see that where Cowboy has put himself today is complete opposite and as far away as he could from all that hatred? Or do you run for the hills because you can foreshadow all the problems that could occur and all the unnecessary drama in the future that could be avoided?

Hours and kisses later (my lips hadn't yet caught up to what my brain was trying to process with all the above); he dropped another bomb on me. He is being deployed to Iraq.

HOLD UP.

He's in the reserves. He chose to go. He thinks he will choose May 2008 to go over there. Back this up - yes, he chose to go.

Now, I could tell you a whole bunch of reasons why I'm against that. But this is not a political discussion. This is about dealbreakers.

Soldier Girlfriend (or wife) does not fit me. It's very snug.

Forget that. Do I continue down this path knowing he will leave in a year? Do I even bother exploring more into this relationship and who this person is?

So...this was my day today. Work? Only got in my way. I was analyzing and over analyzing and asking friends, "what the fuck?"

Yes - these are not ideal. But does it change the fact that I think he is amazing? Does it change the fact that here he is now telling me plans he has for us? Telling me how still he can seriously see us dating for real in the future.

Yeah its not life unless some drama lemons are thrown in your face.

What would you do?

Patience. What's That?

I don't do waiting well. I want it now. Sometimes as in yesterday today. It's a vice that I recognize and am not ashamed to admit.

Tell me in it's in the mail. You should have overnighted it. I text you. Text me back. Especially if there is a question mark involved, right? Right. I'm the one who returns phone calls rather quickly. I pick up on the first ring. When I applied for my passport, I wanted it then. Not the 2 weeks or 14 weeks. I eat dessert first.

Am I a brat? Maybe.
I just have no patience.

It's a miracle I made it through this week with my sanity. I want kisses now. Last night was hard.
And let me mention there is no exclusivity here. None. Yet.

Last night I met a couple girls out for a great dinner. We decided to get all sassy and dressed up. We ate and afterwards headed to a new restaurant where the bar was popping more so than a bar's bar. It was fun times. And the boys were cu-ute. The group of girls I was with were such a breath of fresh air. Because Friday night? Oy.

All my friends know about Cowboy. And one of the girls I went out with Friday night was there the night Cowboy and I met. Well she seems to think that where we are in the relationship now means that I shouldn't be up for meeting anyone else...
Uhm? What? Huh?

Let me tell y'all if someone walked by me and the attraction was there...don't think that I won't.
Because I will. As I did, Saturday night.

In true form I was describing a very shocking sexual position that I saw Kate Winslet doing with Patrick Wilson in Little Children (OMGosh - has anyone seen this movie? Seriously. We need to so talk about it!) In describing the scene I had to put my arms up, kinda behind my head as if grabbiing an imaginary pipe (just watch the film. It's so disturbingly good).
While doing that, I hit a guy.
A cute guy. You can imagine the conversation and the hitting - he was all in like flynn into our group and flirtation started.

The difference is the group of girls I was with Saturday night are more "Sex and the City" than the "Kate and Allie" girls I was with Friday night. And that is a big difference. I had fun with both sets on each night. Sometimes you just want to be real about a situation.

I'm not committed to anyone.
I'm no one's girlfriend.
There has been no 'talk'.
If I want to flirt. Let me flirt. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

But then, again...

I am on edge for tomorrow. I cannot wait to see Cowboy. I don't know how I'm going to sit through 8 hours of work without combusting. It's like freaking Christmas up in this piece. Do you think if I got to bed at an early time, in hopes that tomorrow will get here sooner, will be so nerd of me?

Freak Out. Shake it Off. Laugh.

I think moments like this are hilarious. Cowboy just texted me back. 9 hours after I texted him a question.

I'm laughing so hard I could pee my pants.

Why is that it takes a teeny insignificant moment to freak you out of your mind?

It only happens like this. Whatever you want to call what we have (because I think its too early to call it a relationship) is moving along swimmingly well. Like at a comfortable 45 mile per hour speed. Enough to be cruising, but not too fast to be racing.
And then BAM, brakes engaged because of something teeny tiny and blown way out of proportion in my mind.

I sent a text message. With a question mark attached. I expect those things to be answered right away. Doesn't everyone

We all know how cell phones work nowadays - we receive text messages instantaneously. So when an hour went by without a response - I looked at the time. Oh idiota, me. He's two hours behind you and probably still asleep.

Whew.

Then it becomes, 3 and then 5 hours since you sent the message. OK - what the fuck? So you check the message status of the text...yep, it was sent successfully, dumbass, you've done this a million times, you know how to push send.

Another half hour later, you re-read the message and re-read the message again. Is there anything in it that would cause someone not to reply? Nooooo.
Is there anything hidden in it that scares someone into thinking, "this girl is crazy". Nooooo.

OK - shut the phone because obsessing has become the word of the day.

Seven hours after the text was sent, I think it's natural for me to assume whatever you want to call what we have (because I think its too early to call it a relationship) is over and he is no longer into you. Yeah. That makes complete sense. Why else wouldn't he reply back.

Then you shake that off because that's just craaaazie.

Maybe his phone was dead. Maybe he forgot to pack his phone charger. Maybe he hooked up with some random girl and she was still in his bed when you texted him and now they are not quite finished with their sexfest. Maybe he met some cooler girl than you and they are on some romantic date right this very minute!

Shake it off. Shake it off. Shake it off.

How can the teeniest thing like this cause you to overreact into crazy paranoia panic? And why am I so freaking paranoid? Why?
9th hour, he replies.

I'm laughing at myself. You can join me.

Drama de Familia

Let me tell you how I spent my 4th of July. On the telephone trying to neutralize a situation in Phoenix.

It started in the morning with my mom calling me announcing that she and my brother's girlfriend got into a huge fight. I am so diplomatic - that yes - I know I should take my mom's side, but there was some merit to the other side of this fight and I haven't heard the other person's side. Since she is my mom and I thought this would end there, I agreed with her and that was that.

Then my brother calls me. He is upset and torn. His girlfriend no longer feels comfortable there (let me just add, she is so weak. One fight and she is uncomfortable?) He is torn. So I give him advice as if he is my friend and not my brother - again - thinking this would end here.

Oh. Hell. To. The. No.

My mom calls, she is demanding that I talk some sense into my brother to basically break up with his girlfriend. I guess she had some time to think about it and is basically done with her.
I talk my mom down from that cliff. Seriously.

Then some hours pass and just when I think it's safe.

My mom calls back. She was at their house - mind you - the house that she is paying rent on while she just moved into her new home...and she noticed a lot of things were packed up. She has a huge hunch and is quite happy in thinking that my brother's girlfriend is leaving and going back to San Antonio sooner than what was planned. Hallelujah is my mom's mood.

Then my brother calls me. Uh oh. He is moving to San Antonio, too. Tomorrow. As in today!

Quick talk to him and I call my mom. I need her to be calm before he gets to her with that news. I needed to tell her how to react because she is notorious for getting all dramatic (wonder where I get it from?)

Then I call the girlfriend. Only because there are a few things that she is doing/manipulating that my mom will see through as soon as she talks to my brother and I will be darned if this hoochie is leading my brother on.

Then Hell breaks loose. My mom is losing it over the phone. LOSING it. There's not much I can do. And the worst part is most of her points are stupid and unjustified so it's hard for me as a daughter to listen to this; it's even harder as an opinionated person to not weigh in and give her my 2 cents. If I didn't want my head chewed off I would have to keep my mouth shut.

I hung up the phone frustrated and confused. Then Cowboy called. Smiled and butterflies. Butterflies and giggles. Giggles and blushing. Blushing and hopeful. Hopeful and smiling.

My brother calls me back. He is dead set on moving to San Antonio. For the peace of the family, I talked him out of leaving today and waiting until the weekend because there is no way that he could leave his good bye with my mom the way it was.

That was my 4th. Drama. Drama. Drama. How was yours?

Yeah, What Yummy Said

I do need to stop comparing the two. And starting now, it will no longer be a comparison. You're right. I think we established a long time ago that the two are nothing alike and that Cowboy has far surpassed the other in so many ways - maybe from Date One. No, no, it was more like that Roof Top night...

I don't know how everyone reacts to drunk speeches. I usually take in the context and the person and then figure out if what they are saying is true or not. More often than not I think whatever is being said by a drunk person is usually what they truly feel and think. In vino veritas. That's my thought. I know some people would say, 'Yeah, but he was drunk. Does it count?' And I've been victim a few times of myself saying exactly what I wanted/needed to say and chalked it up to drunk ramblings. But was I really drunk or just using the alcohol as an excuse? I'm proud to say the majority of the time it's the latter. What can I say? Liquor makes me brave. What about you?

Back to Roof Top Night - as I'm so calling it. Before the rooftop incident but after the bar. We were sitting on a lounge chair next to the pool - oh let me just wave my hoochie mama flag - I was straddling him while he was reclined on a lounge chair. That's how I roll. We were making out (duh) because that lead to rooftop activity.

Never minding the pretty picture I just painted for you guys. He said something. And as Cupid, my witness, it's the only thing I remember him saying while we were at the poolside. Ok - that and 'let's go to the roof'.

And here's the sad part (sorry Yummy) not in all of the two years I was with the other person, whom we will never mention after this post, did that other person say anything near this. Never ever. And you'll think me a fool. I think I was, so it's okay for you guys to think it as well. That other person, we dare not mention not once, hear me now, NOT ONCE, called me his girlfriend in the two years we were together. I'm just giving you something to work with so you can understand where I'm coming from or know why it is that I have to be a hopeless romantic. Because I was an insane masochist for the past few years. Who, in their right mind would date someone for 2 years and put up with him not calling them their girlfriend?

Me! Yep - step right up and stare at the freak. ME.

So when I tell you that I'm comparing, believe me, it's because I have no choice but to compare because it's been that bad. And when I tell you that when Cowboy opens his mouth up and says things like, "I can see us in the future. You and me together. Seriously dating", I have no choice but to gawk and awe and break down like I do. Into three sentences. Drunk or not, those words are on constant repeat in my head. They're the soundtrack that I'm skipping down the hallways to. Yep. That's me. The freak.

Defining Moments or I Think I'll Miss Him

I think at the beginning of every relationship or courtship there are those defining moments. Those moments that mark you as a couple. The moments that tell you, this may become something more of note. Moments when you know you are not just that girl he is dating.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon at Backyard Beach Bar. It was so fun. I wish the sun was out more, but nonetheless it was a great time. While I was there getting buzzed, Cowboy made our Saturday night date plans - a movie - Live Free or Die Hard. I was ready for a laid back night at the movies, what I think I got were so pretty defining moments that have me spinning.

On the drive to the theater; he was on the phone with his room mate. At some point he told the roomie what we were doing. He said things like "I'm with Golightly", "Golightly and I are going to the movies", and "Golightly is with me now". I may be a nerd for even thinking this, but it was the way he said my name as if Golightly = girlfriend. He said it with such sureness and without a doubt, I blushed. I wasn't just "I'm with someone or a friend". Golightly.

While walking the mall waiting for the movie start time, I spotted a guy checking me out. So did Cowboy. He automatically put his arm around my waist and nuzzled his nose into my neck. Hm.

We also waited at the restaurant bar (the first show time was sold out, so we had an hour to kill till the next show). At the bar, I sat with my legs crossed in between both his legs while his hands rested on my thighs. Yes, I loved the interconnectedness of this PDA. Our closeness.

During the movie we kept catching each other stealing looks of the other in the movie screen light. Our gazes held their own for more than the quick second.

Back at my place, I introduced him to Michael Buble (SCORE! I'm seeing him in Reno in 2 weeks. Cannot wait!) and he sat through all my favorite songs. Listening. And not just that - he read some of the lyrics from the CD jacket along with the song. Don't even get me started on how (Not So) Incredible* would react/behave in this situation.

While in line at Starbucks this morning, I don't know what came over me, but suddenly I just had to turn around and throw my arms around his neck, step on the balls of my feet, and kiss him. Then while sitting at a table, I motioned for him to come into my face space and planted one on him - right there. (I am not big on PDA but it wasn't even a thought to do the above moves)

He told me I could be there when he gets his next tattoo. (oh yeah, another one. A second one on his bicep) He's not getting the second one until his birthday. In September. The mere thought that he assumes we will be together in 3 months has me gushing.

He gave me his tee shirt to 'hold onto to' while he is in Phoenix for the rest of the week. He also left me with a lot more (unmentionables) to remember him by or as I would like to think of them - to miss him with.

Here it is. One week. No Cowboy. He'll be in Phoenix with family he has not seen in years. I think of it as another defining moment. It could go so many ways. He will call me, while there or not. I'm looking forward to missing him and the welcome back moment he is sure to have next Monday when he returns. I'm sure this is going to be a tough week on me.



*(Not So) Incredible emailed me an invitation to celebrate his birthday today. He and some friends (mostly all girls, may I mention) are having drinks at a patio bar this afternoon. He also called and left me a reminder voicemail for the get together. I didn't go. And now, I'm thinking where I would have called him tomorrow to wish him a happy birthday, I think I need to not. I need to let it go and make room for Cowboy and not muddle my head with Debbie Downer's birthday. What do you think? Call/Text him happy birthday or treat it as any other day except tomorrow I'll be missing Cowboy. I feel odd that a reason running through my head is I'm not calling him to stay true to Cowboy, to give my emotions a chance with him, and not be anchored down with the trouble of wishing (Not So) Incredible happy birthday. Am I weird?