Can someone just make the decision for me, already?
Seriously. (speaking of, did you watch Grey's Anatomy? Was it just me or did you really, really, really, really, really want to see Callie kick Izzie's ass? I was so seriously on the edge of the couch...waiting for...nada! F that. Do over!)
Back to New York City...
And Cowboy...
This looming decision over our heads has forced us into the 'talk'. The dreaded talk. Honestly, I don't know what I wanted him to say. I don't know what I needed to hear to make the choice easier for me to make. This is what I can tell you...
If Cowboy were (Not So) Incredible - someone I dated for 2 years. NYC decision would have been made, day 1. I wouldn't even consider him in the equation. I'd most likely see New York as my escape.
When I moved to Dallas from San Antonio I was dating someone, someone I dated for over 2 years. And I still moved regardless of what he thought or wanted.
But Cowboy is Cowboy and he is perfect, so tonight he lays it on the line. Tonight he warns me that he is not good with expressing his feelings. Tonight he has not thought out what he was about to say - and when he wants to say something seriously, he thinks it out. So, tonight, I should just listen to him and I heard this:
If someone were to ask him what he thought about me and the relationship; he would say: Golightly is great, I can't believe we found each other the way we did and everything is great. Nothing I do gets on her nerves and nothing she does gets on mine.
Where does he see the relationship headed, if I stay in Dallas: If in 4 or 5 months or a year from now, our relationship is as it is and neither one of us is annoyed with being with the other. And we still want to be with each other and we are still crazy for the other. He can see us together indefinitely.
Where does he see the relationship headed, if I go to New York: same as the above, but it will take a lot longer for us to get there.
His current state of the relationship is: He didn't want to date anyone until the next year (2008) because he was new to Dallas and just wanted to enjoy the city, partying and hanging out...until he met me.
To hear him say all this knocks me off my feet, but then I'm grounded with the hard fact that we've only known each other 5 months. It's not that long, but it's not that short either. It's basically long enough to know you want to be serious with this person, but too soon to tell if you truly can say you are going to see yourself together forever.
My take is: I wish this job offer came up 6 months from now.
True, there are planes and my job allows me to travel a lot (within the state of Texas)
My head says to do one thing. My heart says the other. My heart doesn't think its worth the risk. The risk of losing a great guy to the failure of a long distance relationship. The risk of then finding another great guy in New York.
Staying in Dallas would be best for me (the hopeless romantic) and if things didn't work for Cowboy and I, I have a great support system of friends already in place. And we know how much I love that Dallas skyline. If I move and I'm miserable, I'm committed to at least one year in NYC (or else I owe 100% of all relocation costs)
Living in New York could be badass with my career: PR and jewelry and event planning? I love it!
And I know me, when all my coworkers are packing up ready to go to the city, I'll be secretly thinking what if I made the wrong choice?
Yes - New York is a dream of mine. When I was 23, young, gullible, fearless, gutless and gung-ho. I'm 2 months from 30 where I'm ___________.
Who knows...but I can say I'm in love; I'm scared; I'm stressed; I'm lost and hopeless.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
OK, not to sound bitchy but...
You have a man who loves you and a job offer that would pay twice what I make in a year, in a kickass city on top of that?
Yeah, it's a tough choice, but THINGS COULD BE WORSE.
You could be like me with no man who loves her and no real job prospects.
Lost and hopeless? Really?
F the job! At the end of life you're not thinking about your badass career, you're thinking about your badass love.
However, this is coming from someone who wants to retire from work as soon as she pops out babies.
Bev's comment just made me laugh out loud in the law library. Embarrassing! I think work and career is totally important, but here's my perspective: when I leave my family and friends behind, I get really down. No job or school or city tends to make it all better. Question is, do you want to start over?
Oh Golightly, that really is a touch decision...and one only you can make. Like semi-charmed said - at least you have a choice and it's an exciting choice, at that. BUT let me say this: I have never met you, but I have a general idea of what you enjoy about Dallas, and all that... so I really think $55K in NYC isn't enough at all. I think it would be fun to test yourself lifestyle-wise, but you just don't seem like the type to live in the burbs (or the boroughs). Manhatten is where you should be - and $55K isn't even close.
Maybe, just maybe, (and this would probably just confuse things moreso) if you turn down the job, they'll come back with more money. Uh-oh! Decisions decisions.
Good luck, sweetie.
tough decision, not touch decision. That's another blog. LOL
Going back to your previous post...I lived in NYC on a $38,000 salary and was more than able to get by. Plus I was in PR as well and got invited to parties which equaled to free drinks/food/swag! So your $55,000 should be more than enough...
I think the real decision is with Cowboy and only you and your heart can make that decision. That's awesome that he sees himself with you in Texas or in New York...
We're here for you!!!! Good luck!
Well ... if you didn't move to New York, would you regret it?
Do it girl!!!!! go to NYC!!! tis is a once in a lifetime chance, I think....NYC?!?!?!?! COME ON!!! You wouldn't need car, so that's one expense you can get rid of....a cute little apartment, and you now they're all little in NYC, and there are planes!!!!! If you and Cowboy are meant to be....you'll be. Love can survive a whole lotta things, but you might regret someday not taking this opportunity.
I say go for it!!!
(I'm so excited for you!)
Post a Comment