Choices

I have decided to keep on dating Cowboy. His pro list out numbers his con list like a motorscooter. But...it's not just that.

Isn't life all about the choices we make. Where would we be if we didn't make said choice?

He's made the choice to distance himself from his family, particularly his step-father. I'm just going to have to trust that none of that has filtered into his head or nor will it, if we get serious, in the long run.

My own father has values that I despise. Am I my father's daughter? No. I made the choice to recognize qualities I didn't like in him and will make sure that I don't repeat them or end up with someone with the same qualities.

So for Iraq...aiyee, aiyee, aiyee. It had nothing to do with him being gone for four months - seriously what is four months? That's like Summer. It has nothing to do with any morbid thought of him dying - he works a desk, not combat. It had to do with him volunteering to go. Because? I would never. That rationale is so foreign to me - am I selfish, no. Just a big old scaredy cat that wouldn't play part in something I don't believe in. When he speaks about it, a piece of my heart just breaks. I should be proud that I'm with someone like that. And I'm going to be.

It's not really about pros & cons, it's about the choices. And I choose to date him. Who the heck knows - he could be an ex before Christmas rolls around. In the past I've always chosen who I date and this I feel could be way better than those choices made in the past, especially

when he is whispering the sweetest things to you.
when his (girl) room mate knows the explicit details of your Reno trip that you only got to tell him via texting.
when he is teasingly wrestling you on a couch and then momentarily stops to give you that look. Oy! That look can be the end of me.
when he invites you to a week long destination wedding/vacation in St. Lucia (uh huh!).
when his tattoo becomes another excuse for you to be attracted to him.
when everything makes you so blissfully happy that you forget to sleep.

On that note, I'm running on 2 - 5 hours of sleep ever since Saturday night. I don't know where the energy is coming from right now to even keep my eyes open or where I'm muster the energy because I'm on my way over to his place where he is cooking up a meal for a group of friends. I don't think my body can handle a wink right now for it may be mistaken for a nap. Thank goodness he lives in walking distance because me, behind a steering wheel right now is nothing but a bad choice to make.