I am completely frustrated now more than ever.
And you know what I'm talking about. I won't mention his name or analyze. I'm just going to give you the facts:
His party was great. Saw some great people I have not seen in a long ass time. Had super great conversations. Then me and him and that hug, I love love love his hugs. It was the kind of hug with just one arm because we had to keep our body language open to the other people in the conversation - his arm was around me, holding me close - and when I looked up to watch him talking - all I had to do was pucker my lips and kiss his cheek because he was talking so cute.
But that didn't happen.
But do you know what type of hug I'm talking about?
If you were someone else at the party looking at us - you'd think we were together.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Then I was the good friend and drove some drunkards home.
Let's cut to the next night. There was not that much hugging. We were back at his place watching the fight - it was basically part two of the party. Same location, same alcohol left over, same people. He had to play host - so I wasn't being my bold self.
Then I was the last person there at 2AM.
and this is exactly when and where you'd think I'd have gone balls to the wall. But his roomie was with us and I am not that bold.
But when I grabbed my purse to leave, he did ask me, "Why are you leaving?"
and why I didn't stay? I have no idea. But I think at that moment when he asked me that above question, the answer in my head was to leave so this way I don't look like an easy. I honestly thought leaving was the best answer - you know, so I could be more frustrated and drag this out even farther.
Idiot am I am.