What is up with lists?
What girl decided that she just had to make a list for her ideal man qualities and from that point on if no man matched it - he could not step up to her? Who was this girl that started this trend? ( I do remember that Real World: Boston cast member had one - hers was like 100 items long. Insane!)
Because I am gosh darn over it. The next friend that pulls out a list and shows me her man qualifications - I'm sorry - I'm taking it and burning it. Done.
I'm sorry if you have one. I'm not neccessarily talking about you - but sheesh - if you have one, please, please comment and explain it to me like a I am a four year old.
I have 2 friends, who I was with last night. Mind, you these are 2 out of 3 of my friends that constantly complain that they are man-less. So, one, you'd think they would be delighted to be matched-up. Not blind date - but group outing match up. No pressure. I wouldn't even let the boys in on it - so, no pressure.
Girl #1 was telling us a story about this guy who liked her. Everything was great - he was funny, good looking, and liked her. A lot. She told us it couldn't go anywhere because he wasn't educated.
Educated?
As in didn't have a college degree. My mouth is at the floor.
Let me tell you why: he owns his own pilot school.
So where he is not educated, he is very successful and makes a lot of money.
No B.A. equals no play, for her.
Of course, I had to debate this. You know, for the boy's sake. Let me let you in on a secret - the President of my company, never went to college.
I grew up in a household where my parents point blank told us: if you don't want to go to college; don't go, don't waste our money, but do know what your options are if you don't.
It was simple. I went. My brother didn't. He has a girlfriend. I? No man here.
Girl #2 only agreed with Girl #1.
So great guy - not a slacker, not a loser, just doesn't own a degree is not dateable because of it?
I find it hard to swallow.
Then Girl #1 was all saying "We all have our thing and our list. If you don't meet it, you cannot date us"
NOPE. Not me. I don't have a list. Which they argued, I have to have standards, right?
Uhm...
OK - here's another secret: I think I have none. At least for the initial meeting.
I'm the girl you will find at the bar talking to anyone. I don't turn down guys because they are 5'5"; a different race from me; or are slightly bigger.
I just think that I cannot dicriminate because who knows what my 'true one and only' looks like? Honestly, I think I only attract a certain type anyway. So it's not like I'm getting the bums on the street.
Girl #2 was shocked. And since we were at her house - she busted out her list. It only had 12 items on it that men must meet.
Twelve!!
I think she should edit it down to one. She's super tall - six feet. So I can understand that she is looking for a tall Mr. Right. Understandable.
But...as for the other 11 items. Crazy! And the fact that she made the list while she was in college boggles me. So, the same man she wanted while in college is the same type she wants now? Unbelievable.
They argued with me up and down that every girl has one. And I know of a few others that carry lists, too.
I guess I'm just one of those people (and scared) that I'll meet the man of my dreams and because he has red hair, I'd pass up the chance?
What do men think about this? Do they have lists, too?
9 comments:
well...I guess I never had list that was written out on paper, but I think all women have certain qualities that they are looking for in a guy, so I think that would be a list of sorts.
my no.1 was that he had to like kids and get along with my daughter, and my husband adopted her and is fiercly protective of her, so he won on all accounts!!
but other than that....no list. I think you have to take each person as he comes.
Yeah I was the same way with the college educated thing then I met B who did not have a degree and fell madly in love with him. It was at that point that I threw the list out the window because it really means crap. You have a great attitude-don't let them change you!!
You know I have a list. It's listed on my blog. (Feel free to search for it under March 05 - I believe or April, I forget). The way I see it though, it's not etched in stone. They're more like guidelines, 'cause I know what it really comes down to is how the person makes me feel.
I do agree with you: your friends should not hold it against a guy if they don't have a degree. There are plenty of educated people walking around and just 'cause they don't have a paper on the wall doesn't prove anything.
I think guys have lists too. They're probably not crazy enough to write it down though. I recall hearing one guy say he looks at two things before getting serious with a girl. Her ankles and her mother. Go figure.
I think lists are okay if they are reasonable, and I have one, too: things I need and things I won't tolerate. I won't tolerate drug use; I hope for a man who is educated (I will say that I "need" it, but I suppose I would be flexible on this one under certain circumstances, none of which I have encountered so far).
Like, it's important that a man be self-sufficient, but not that he be loaded. Still not the point. Education is a high-priority value for me in my own life; I'd need someone who understood and shared that value. And if he didn't, he'd better have a WHOLE LOT to make up for it, and I haven't met anyone yet who could compensate (the one guy I know who is almost smart enough to get away with it? he thinks he knows everything because he read it himself. But he never encountered anyone able to contradict him because he doesn't test his ideas on anyone else who might know what they're talking about).
Anyway, some people have stupid stuff on their list, like "educated" when all they really want is someone they can have a conversation with (it's bigger than that for me, I admit), or "tall" when only 1% of men, or something like that, are over 6'. But there are other things that are really deal-breakers.
No list. I definitely have qualities I'm attracted to more than others, but no list. I've heard that if you're going to make a list, you should be everything on that list. Like, if you want someone educated, you should be educated. If you want a good dresser, you should be a good dresser. But shouldn't someone balance you out, too?
Of course, I don't have a boyfriend, so what do I know.
I'm with you. You never know what you could be missing out on. That girl dumping the guy with his own successful business just because he doesn't have a degree just means she is ridiculous. No wonder she is single. I say it is better for him that he didn't settle for her.
I think lists are sort of fun - especially when you take a look at them a few years later to see how you've changed. But, no I don't have a list, per se. Oh wait, I do have one item: that he be someone who doesn't get on my nerves. Wow. I'm so deep.
Great attitude Golightly! We all do have certain things we won't put up with but I don't think that qualifies as a list. I'm sure you want a man that showers and has teeth. I think women who have literal lists are the women that have a harder time finding a man. Education doesn't mean degree to me either. There are lots of men that have degrees and aren't necessarily "educated". I'm glad you're giving men an equal chance to get with you and your hot self!
thanks for this post - it was incredibly timely. im afraid i don't have any standards either.... just nice. that's my only standard. i thought that i'd only ever date a guy who's taller than me (i'm 5'8") but last night i had a great date with a guy who is shorter than me.
i don't want to be a girl with a list who wouldn't date someone just because he doesn't meet some ridiculous superficial standard that i wrote on paper 5 years ago.
but then again... shouldn't i have some standards?!
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