I think I've become that girl. Uh oh and it's driving me crazy.
I let all my insecurities about our relationship drive me to going through his cell phone call list.
VOILA!

I found exactly what I was looking for--calls to girls at all hours of the night.
Uh huh.
11pm. 1am. 4am.
11--I can take that one. 1--is a little bit harder to swallow. 4--you've got to be kidding me?!?

The only people I call at 4am are well, hmm, no one.
When I was single, people called me at 4am. They were usually guys, guys knowing what they could get at 4am.
What am I to think when Incredible is calling girls at 4am?

And yes, plural with an 's'. Because its not the same girl he is calling each hour.
Someone said that's a plus. Huh?

The 4am'er is a bartender; so they talk to each other when she gets off of work. Should that matter? I don't think so.
And the others are women that work with him and he was calling to shoot the breeze.
Uhm hmm.

But the fact remains they are all women.

And I am not calling the kettle black…I realize that yes, I have called men. But not at 4am! And I don't work with them.
So this new hiccup in our relationship is driving me B-A-N-A-N-A-S.
Because now, everything I will question, there is no doubt. I'm ignoring his emails. I don't even want to see him tonight. I just don't care.

Is it the end? Maybe…

I can admit that I've been thinking of ending it anyway due to a different shallow hiccup in our relationship.
So shallow, I cannot admit it (Bev knows) & it racks my brain daily: should I stay or shoud I go because he cannot _____? Am I that shallow?
The only reason (I think) that we are still a couple is because I'd feel massive guilt if I did break up with him because he cannot_______.

Someone else who also knows of the shallowness said that maybe this girl calling thing can be my out…but each time in our arguing emails when I had the chance to get out, I couldn't do it.
I just can't.

Yep, I'm that girl.