My Uterus Won't Shut Up

Memo to the Womb:
Re: That time of the month

Uterus:
I've done all I can. I give up. I fed you the salty french fries. I ate the cookie dough. I tried to medicate you with Tylenol.
I soothed you with the heated patch. I rubbed you. What the f more do you want? If you don't simmer it down in there, I'm taking a hot iron to you.
I've done my end of the bargain, it's time you did yours. I hate that it came down to threatening you.
Thanks.