Say My Name, Say My Name

Let's discuss my boss for a minute.
Not my immediate, report to, boss--she's cool. The one that she reports to, and the one that ultimately is my boss before we get to the CEO's and CFO's of the company.
He's at that level, of VP-ness, but his title changes all the time. All. The. Time. and I hate that because he is so the type that if you mess up on his title or give the wrong title out to someone else who is trying to contact him, he gets really mad.
There is an easy solution to that problem, but, hey, that's not what we are going to discuss, today.

My office is laid out like a circle. In the middle of the circle, at the nucleus, is this boss's office. I sit at the top half of the circle. The door to his office is at the bottom half. Two sides of his office are glass walls; the bottom half and one side--so being at the top of the circle, I cannot see into his office. Sitting at the top side, I sit the closest to him because his desk is at the toppest (oh my, is that a word?) part of the circle.
Confused?

Sorry, you may have to stop what your doing and draw a diagram. We'll wait for you...

He has a booming voice, I can hear every phone call he is on, if I'm not typing and therefore, Back-typer is not typing. So, when he is pissed, I can definitely hear anything and everything. Let's just say that I knew some lay offs were happening, way before the ax came down.
Here is the funny part; he knows I can hear everything.

Let's say, something really goes down and he lets someone have it--and it happens a lot; he is in charge of 15 offices. Someone messes up something, at least once a day. We're a news business, its bound to happen.

After each call, sometimes, he'll knock on his wall and yell; "Heard that, Golightly?". Uh, yeah, I did, but I don't reply to his 'knock', ever. I sometimes, think it would be funny to knock back, twice and say; "Yes, Boss. Loud and clear."

But since he is of V.P.-ness, I keep my trap shut because you never know if that day is the day, he is not taking any jokes. You know, what I mean.

It has it's ups and downs. Ups being, that I know when we are getting a catered lunch before anyone and why--that also means that I will be ordering the catered lunch. Ugh. It also means that I know when he is in a bad mood, so I know when to stay out his way. When his door his closed, or when the other V.P.s are in town huddled in his office; I get about 10 emails asking what I can hear.
Yes. Everyone knows that I sit at the prime, eavesdropping desk.

I never reply to them because I think, that since he knows I can hear, I probably share and he most likely monitors my email. I don't know for sure, but you know, what I mean.

Let's talk about why I really hate this desk. You may want to pull out the diagram, you drew just a few moments, ago.

I'm the creative projects person, here in the office. I take care of all the fun stuff that goes down and anything that we do for clients, that is off-the wall. For example: we did a country themed regional meeting a month back. I was at the helm of getting it together and making goodie bags, you know that sort of thing.

Let's just say that when anyone needs an idea on how to make anything "cute", "funny" and/ or "original"; they come to me.
Boss likes to write cute, funny, original emails all the time to deliver a very, very, serious message. When I say, all the time, I mean: ALL. THE. TIME.
Each time, he calls out for me.

Whoa, let me tell you how it is 2005 in this office and we have phones, where you can dial someone's extension and it goes straight to that person. Or how we have something, called, e-mail. Better, yet, we have an intercom system on those phones. Or as you can remember; he can just say my name and I'll hear him or he can just, I don't know...knock?

Remember, I have to walk around half the circle to get inside his office.
And, I better do this quickly because lucky me, he also has minor A.D.D. and if he forgets why he was calling for me or an idea escapes his head while I am walking to him---it's not fun and games, while I sit there and he tries to remember where he was going with something.
Plus, since he is all V.P.ed; when he says "jump"; you'd better get over to him ASAP.

So, Boss decides to call out for me. Since his voice is booming; it sounds like a yell, to anyone else. Hence, causing office rumors that I may be in trouble and emails from people I don't even say 'hi' to on a regular basis, "ooh, what happened?"

If his door is closed, he decides to YELL out my name, causing people to jump, especially me. Especially, when I am reading someone's blog in the tiniest window allowed, so that people are not suspicious of what I am not working on, on my computer screen. You know, what I mean.

And can we add, there are other people that sit closer to the opening of his office. People, that can see him, and he can see them, out the glass walls. People that sit directly in front of him and face him; so that if, this made any sense, he could just quietly wave to that person and they could summon up whatever he wanted. It'd be a quieter system that's for sure.

But, I'm grateful, I'm the chosen one. It must mean something. That something, didn't come in the way of, oh, a Media Relations position. Hey, I'm sure, it means something, somewhere, down the line.

Now, we all have been lucky enough, that each time, I have been at my desk, when he calls for me. Until. Today. (And his door was closed.)

I was making one of those trips to the hotel. Our office is located in a hotel. It's weird, I'd explain, but you already are confused with our circle office and your diagram. There are days, since I am down with the hotel staff, that I take the long route to the bathroom and stop and chill with the reservation desk. You never know when someone important may be a guest. I'm down with them because I want to be on that list, when Destiny's Child is shacked up in the penthouse suite.

I'm out the office, for let's say, fifteen minutes.

When I come back, people have that look on their faces like, I stole the last cookie in the jar and forgot to make more. Oh, how I could regale y'all with so many office stories; we'd be entertained for hours.

I sit down. There are 8 emails waiting for me. None from the Boss; all from scared co-workers.
"Where were you?", "He keeps yelling out for you", "I think you are in some serious trouble...", and my favorite; "Did you get caned or something?"---ha ha, that's exactly how they spelled it, I know they meant canned, but with Boss, I feel like it could be caned, each time he calls out, my name.

I walked the half of the circle, knocked on his door. "Hi, Boss. What's up?" I quivered....

"Oh, hey, Golightly. Yeah, you know, I'm looking for another way to say, dangerous, without saying 'dangerous'. What's another word for that?"

OH. MY. GOD.

I work in an office, with 25 editors. 25 editors. I am not an editor.
I work in an office with at least 10 dictionaries, and I know of 2 thesaurus'.
We have Microsoft Word and last I checked the SHIFT, F7 key still worked.
I'm not his secretary, but, hey, I should be flattered because hopefully one day, it will mean something.
One day.