My friend E and I just figured out why I am so bothered by Groomsman's tactics (or lack of).
It may not be me meeting him out at bars, etc. that is so much bothering me. Because, honestly speaking I have driven out to meet up with peeps at the bar before.
In this case, if I had the choice, I'd rather meet him at his apartment then go out to these places that he always is, together. Together. Big difference.
Versus meeting him out there like his trade. You know what I mean? Trades were so college, we're in the real world now.
Trades have now turned into dates. To some of you, there may not be a difference. To, me, there is. I want to go with him, not meet up with him.
Would I tell him that? Hell to the no--I think he should be initiating that one, right?
The same deal just happened, like, twenty minutes ago and I am semi-pissed--no, the more I think, talk/email about it, I am full blown mad.
He called me at work.
(oh, can we discuss how he still has my work number because the last time I gave it to him was, uhm, back in September, 2004.)
I told him that my previous plans for tonight fell through and I'm available for whatever he had planned. He texted me earlier for plans tonight, but I had to reply that I was busy. That fell through, so I emailed him letting him know that I was open, now.
He tells me that he playing softball until who knows when and that after that, he doesn't know what is happening but as soon as he is at a bar*, he'll call me, so I can meet up with him.
Here we go, again. Are y'all bored, yet?
1. Why won't he ask me to watch him play? Just to let you all know, I already asked him, last week, if I could come watch him play one day. His reply was, 'sure'.
2. Why do I have to meet up with him? Why? So, I'm supposed to sit around until the game is over (who knows what time that will be) and then meet him out at a bar?
3. Am I, bar girl? What the...
4. And drumroll please...why would he ask me out, fully knowing he has a game. A game, which he has no clue when it will end or where he will be afterwards? Because meeting someone at the bar is not a date. I repeat: not a date. So, don't even bother asking.
*He so doesn't drink, due to his medical condition. Which brings me to another problem: Why is he always at bars? I'm too pissed at this phone call that I cannot even touch that subject right now.
4 comments:
Oh shit! Meeting a guy at a bar doesn't count as a date?
The more and more I hear about this guy, the more I'm not liking him anymore. Why the hell can't he take a cab over to your place ever? And then yall both head out together?
so not a date, in my book. Meeting at the bar is what is done after you have taken me out a couple of times. Is that wrong? Meeting at the bar = a meet/hook-up. Going out, just the two of you, to dinner, coffee, anyplace just the two of you can go to get to know each other better = a date. I don't mind a bar, if it was just the two of us and not the whole freaking softball team celebrating a win/loss.
I don't think that I want him just cabbing over, after he has been out on the town...do I? That just sets precedent that I'm just a booty call, or wait, maybe that's what this is. Maybe he is just in it for the S-E-X?
Double, on why can't he cab over to my place? Probably b/c I haven't asked him to do that but that goes back to my theory that I don't think I should be the one telling him those things. Should I?
hmm.. not sure I like the tactics (or lack there of). Doesn't show alot of respect on his part. Is this the same behavior from when y'all dated before?
I think I'd seriously consider whether he's thinking of you as a hook-up or just a "really great girl" instead of someone he respects and wants to pursue something with.
And if you have any notions about this being more than a hook-up? You need to speak up about your boundaries and preferences instead of letting him call the shots. I know he SHOULD know better, but how will he ever learn if you don't tell him what you expect.
Good luck. Hope he is a hottie and worth all the nonsense!
Call him on his bullshit. You don't have to keep quiet and play along. You aren't starting this out on equal footing - he has all the power. Not a good road to go down.
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