Kiss Me, I'm Drunk

When I drink, I tend to forget plans that I made prior to the drinking and it gets me and in this case, others in big trouble. I was thisclose to breaking up with Incredible Saturday.
Uh huh. My Saturday started out like no other; I was drunk by noon. I am not a lush. I went to pre-St. Patrick's Day Parade party at 9AM. I had my usual Bloody Marys but not the usual breakfast. Mistake number one. At 10 AM we walked about half a mile to get to the parade, in the hot sun. While walking, we drank beer. Mistake number two. Oh. I forgot to tell you that I am not with Incredible, I am with Aerin and her raunchy wine selling friends. We watch the parade and then head to a house party, I had more beer. I think I can stop numbering the mistakes from here on out because it is all down hill from here. Also, note this is all from a shaky memory. After the party, we go to a block party hosted by a lot of bars. A lot of bars within ten steps of each other. A lot of bars. I think I may have yelled at the hot dog vendor because I was that hungry and that drunk. Somehow, we stumble into a restaurant and I get fed. My friend Kellie joined us and asked me where Incredible was...hmmm? In my drunken stupor that was the best question ever: Where the fuck was my boyfriend? Trying to solve that mystery, I drank some more. It is now 1PM. I'm drunk. The last time I was this drunk, this early in the day was the last day of finals my senior year in college and at Chuy's, much less. If you know my history with Chuy's--that's just funny all round. Then we run into Incredible's co-worker. I could stop this story right now and save myself the embarrassment to what comes next, but I think it's funny...so here we go: You know I was mad-mouthing my boyfriend to anyone who would listen at this point. Seriously I almost hooked up with Kellie, it was that bad and there would have been nothing wrong with that. Except I am very straight. Well, this co-worker's fiance is also the GM of Chuy's---ha ha ha ha ha---oh I may need to retell the Chuy's story for a refresher, someday, not now. The co-worker is solo. I ask him where his better half is; he replied with he didn't know where Incredible was--huh? NO--I meant that woman that whores it out for Chuy's that you are marrying in 2 months; not my dead beat "Fuck him" boyfriend. I'd like to thank Miller Lite for all the crap that came out of my mouth. He must've felt bad for me because he escorted me out the block party and made sure that I had some water and another hot dog. We sat on the curb and I mouthed off all my theories on while men are pigs and how some could eat shit and die...or something like that.
I made it home, safely and at 8PM was hungover. I woke up the next day with 10 voicemails from Incredible. Turns out my phone didn't work in the middle of a parade and I was supposed to meet him at 10 AM on the corner of something and something; so it was a worried mess trying to locate me and to sum it up I have the best boyfriend because then we went cruising on Sunday and today I received an embarrassing email from him. Apparently they gossip too at his job and co-worker spoke to him. As Incredible as he is, he only found the humor in the story. Gotta love him.